Party of Two

Picking up where I left off

2011-06-11T01:28:00.002-05:00

I stopped writing over a year ago. So much was going on, and I felt like I had to document it all, but it was so overwhelming that I just abandoned the task completely. But then I remembered why I blog: to preserve my memories of my children. And they're doing such amazing, hilarious, sweet, inspiring things. I'm afraid if I don't write them down somewhere — and I'm not writing them down anywhere right now — then I'll forget them later, when I really want to remember them.

So I'm just going to pick up where I left off, without filling in any blanks, and just jot down what's important to me on a daily basis.

Today Benjamin is 6 months old. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. The nice thing is that I feel like, this time, I've really enjoyed his babyhood. With Isaac, my firstborn, I was so stressed and worried about whether or not the choices I was making were the "right" ones, that I sometimes forgot to cherish every little moment, and they passed so quickly.

With Ben, I'm not stressed, and I'm not planning his every developmental milestone months before it happens. So much so that I didn't even take a photo of his first bite of solid food (sweet potatoes). I've taken pictures of him eating (bananas today, in fact; his first meal was last saturday) but not his first bite. If I hadn't taken a photo of Isaac's first bite of real food, I would have felt guilty for months.

Anyway, Ben's 6-month checkup was today. It was a stressful time, with Ben crying all the way through his OMT and his shots. But, in the end, it was Isaac who had a meltdown.

I was feeding Ben a bottle before we left, and Isaac kept trying to poke the place in his thigh where he got a shot. I told him over and over, every which way I could think, not to poke Ben's shot.
"Do you remember what it feels like when you get shots?"
"Yes."
"Does it hurt?"
"Yes."
"Do you think, if I tried to poke you in the place where you got your shot, it would hurt?"
"Yes."
"Then you can't poke Ben's shot. It will hurt."
"But I want to."
In the end, I had to threaten him.
"If you poke Ben's shot, you can't have a sucker."
He poked Ben's shot, then proceeded to scream and cry and bed for a sucker.

He has an outburst like that at least once a day. But, for the most part, he's such a sweet boy. He's been working on asking for things nicely. So, when he wants something, his first request might go something like this: "Read this book, Holly."
Sometimes I'll tell him: "Can you ask nicely?" Other times, he'll correct himself. "Mommy, please read this book, please."

We've also been trying to remember to say our prayers before bed. Tonight we prayed together, and then I asked Isaac if there was anything he wanted to tell God or say thank you for or ask for. He said he wanted to ask for candy and say thank you for TV. I told him he could tell God whatever he wanted. Later, I overheard him:
"Dear God, thank you for the TV. Amen.
"Dear God, thank you for books. Amen.
"Dear God, thank you for my water. Amen."

To-do lists

2010-01-15T14:14:00.002-06:00

I know it's a little late for resolution talk, but that's OK — because I don't do resolutions. At the start of each year, I compile a list of resolutions and then fail to keep any of them. Hell, I don't even remember what 2009's resolutions were.

The thing I am good at, however, is the to-do list. I thrive on lists, and without my daily to-do list, I'm at a loss. So here are my to-do lists, both for this year and for "someday."

Things to do this year:
1. Start exercising.
2. Save more money.
3. Pay off the car.
4. Budget for art.
5. Develop a plan of action to finish my bachelor's degree.
6. Eat fewer processed foods.
7. Manage time better.
8. Live more with less.
9. Be a good mom.
10. Volunteer.

Things to do someday
1. Go back to school. Finish bachelor's degree and get an MBA. Think about going further.
2. Buy a nice camera. Take a photography class.
3. Build a deck.
4. Build a garage or shed.
5. Plant a garden.

Wish me luck!

140 Characters

2010-01-04T10:36:00.003-06:00

I was late to the Twitter party, but when I signed up a year ago, I totally fell in love with it. I use it mostly professionally, connecting with sources and getting story ideas, but I also use it to inform all 850 of my followers every hilarious thing Isaac does.

Here's what you missed in December:

Isaac's new step stool has a cubby hole. In it today I found his Chuck Taylors, a pair of panties and 5 tampons.

Isaac has learned how to shake hands. He's been shaking my parents' and my hands for about 30 minutes now.

http://twitpic.com/vqobb - I thought playing in the snow would be fun. It was not.

My kid is on track to spend all but 12 minutes of his toddler years in time out.

http://twitpic.com/vll7s - Look, ma! No hands!

Isaac found out tonight that Max does not like bananas. He does, however, enjoy french fries.

Fist time Isaac hasn't cried when I dropped him off at day care!

How to make your own wrapping paper. (You will need: butcher paper, finger paint, a willing toddler and patience) http://tinyurl.com/y97l29y

Is it sad that my dog has TWO Christmas sweaters? Maybe just a little? Oh well.

Funny how things work out

2009-12-17T12:03:00.002-06:00

In August of 2008 I compiled two lists, one of things I want to do "some day" and one of things I want to do "right now."

I have not done any of the things on my "right now" list, which were mostly things I was passionate about at the time — becoming a postnatal doula, planting a garden, going to church. Things I thought would be easy.

I've accomplished quite a few things on my "someday" list, though. I've begun volunteering. I've bought a house. And, while I'm not rich, I've managed to pay off enough debt and take on enough freelance writing assignments that Isaac and I are comfortable.

So it's funny that I have yet to do any of the "easy" stuff, but the things I thought would be unattainable for at least 10 years... well, they weren't.

Going to start working on my lists for 2010 now...

What a difference a year makes!

2009-12-14T15:57:00.001-06:00

Then:

Now:

Isaac dancing/pooping

2009-12-14T14:48:00.002-06:00

He is so going to hate me when he is a teenager.

Things Isaac says

2009-12-13T16:42:00.005-06:00

NUH! (No.)
Da ta (Thank you.)
Uh oh!
Brrr!
Mama
Dada
Nana (John's mom)
Isaac (Pretty clearly, actually)
Dah (Dog)
Dah (Elmo)
Duh (Duck)
Duh (Duh. I was shocked the first time I heard him say this. I mean, repeat me saying this.)
Hi!
Bah bah! (Bye bye!)
Ah da da (I love you)

Ladies' man

2009-12-11T10:51:00.002-06:00

Daycare has been a struggle for us. He cries when I drop him off, cries when I pick him up and, depending on how long his nap was that day (usually about 30 minutes; definitely not long enough) he cries in the evenings, mostly I think out of sheer exhaustion.

All that, however, might be changing. Isaac has a girlfriend.

Yesterday, his teachers told me he was holding hands with a little girl named Malana. Then, he walked over to her, kissed her on the cheek and did a little happy dance.

I teased him about it most of the evening, and this morning, I asked him if he was ready to go to daycare, and he said yes. I asked him if he was going to see Malana, and he said yes.

When we got to school, he started pointing to the door and saying, "Uh uh uh," which is what he says when he wants something. When we got to his classroom, he let me take off his coat and was generally happy until, looking around the room, he noticed Malana wasn't there yet.

THEN, he started crying and didn't want me to leave.

Malana's mother was bringing her to school as I was leaving, so I'm sure he cheered up pretty quickly.

Love,
The Former Most Important Woman in Isaac's Life

Isaac has a brother!

2009-12-10T15:35:00.004-06:00

Heh heh heh. Scared you, huh?

I am in no way, why or how in a position to have another baby. I'm really in no position to have a dog, but we have one anyway.

I always assumed at some point, probably in the spring, I would get Isaac a dog. He loves them. LOVES them. Every time he sees a dog — even a picture of a dog — he points and yells, "DOG!"

When I heard from a professional acquaintance on Twitter (actually, my boyfriend heard and suggested to her I might be interested) she was trying to help her husband's coworker find a new home for his 2-year-old dachshund, I was intrigued.

When I heard said dachshund was already fixed, housebroken and crate trained, and when I saw how absolutely adorable said dachshund was, I knew I was done fer.

The family offered to bring him over for us to "look"at last weekend — I say "look" because I knew once I saw him I would want him to be ours — and it really was love at first sight. He is such a good, sweet dog. He's a licker, though, and I guess the wife wanted to get rid of him because she didn't like how he licked their 8-month-old. They have another dog, a 6-year-old of the same breed, and I think she just felt a little overwhelmed with the two dogs and a new baby.

We love Max. Maximus is his name. He took to me immediately, and now I have two little animals chasing me all over the house. He's still a little skittish around Isaac, but I'm sure the two boys will be used to each other in no time.

I maybe shouldn't have picked the weekend after I got into a car accident to also take on a pet for the first time, but, as you already know, I'm a little crazy. I like to bite off more than I can chew.

So, yeah, the wreck. I was driving my co-worker and my boss to lunch last Friday, when a woman, who was talking on the phone and not paying attention, realized she needed to turn left, crossed three lanes of traffic without looking, and slammed into my front passenger's side door. No one was hurt and, thankfully, she has insurance, which is covering the cost of my repairs and my rental car. It's just been kind of a pain in the tookus. When it happened, I was shocked. I'd never been in an accident like that and had no idea what to do. The woman said I was in her blind spot, but I was in front of her. Over and over I observe people driving like complete morons simply because they're in downtown and apparently don't think the same traffic rules apply.

Other than that, we are doing great. Isaac is finally, after more than a month, getting used to day care. He's beginning to interact with the other kids and play with the toys there. He still cries when I drop him off, but he doesn't wail like he used to. And he doesn't cry when I pick him up anymore. He used to, when he saw me in the afternoons, run to me crying. Yesterday he ran to me, but I almost detected a smile on his face!

He is growing so fast. He's such a fun and funny little boy (I know. Little boy. Not baby. So sad). He says "I love you" — sort of. My dad always says "I love you" in sign language — the long version where first he points to his eye, then crosses his arms over his chest and then points to you.

So now, when you tell Isaac "I love you" or ask him to say it to you, he taps his chest with his hand and says, "Ad da da." It melts your heart.

He learned over Thanksgiving weekend to say no. He'd always shaken his head for no, but all of a sudden he's saying, "NuUH," with his voice getting really high and loud at the end. I know I'm going to regret saying this, but it is so darn cute.

Other than that, he's not talking much. He'll repeat words you say or copy your inflection, but he doesn't have much of a vocabulary yet. His favorite things are dogs, Elmo (also a dog, in his opinion), music and books.

He loves music, and he sings and dances to any tune, even commercial jingles. I've been playing Christmas music in the car, and I always hear him in the backseat singing. It is so sweet. He's also quite a good dancer, always making up new moves that make mommy laugh. And books. Man, the kid loves books. He'll go to his bookshelf and very carefully choose the book he wants to read. (The ones he doesn't want to read go on the floor.) He'll point to the ottoman (where I usually sit when I'm in his room), instructing me to sit down and read to him.

He still sleeps with me and probably will until he's 12, but I've just come to accept that. And now with Max in our bed, too (I know, I know. I'm a total softie), it's a little crowded. Crowded, but comfortable. And we're very happy.

(And I promise to update this more than once per quarter.)

You guys never got to see this...

2009-09-10T11:10:00.002-05:00

Here is video of Isaac taking his very first steps at my friend Natasha's house on Cince de Mayo 2008. Compared to the warp speed at which he travels these days, it's funny to see him so wobbly and uncertain.

Home, sweet home

2009-09-04T15:25:00.005-05:00

Um, so, you guys... I bought a house. Most of you know that already.

It is a totally awesome house and when finally unpack everything and get some new furniture, I'll post some photos. Or you can just come over and see it.

Here are some videos of Isaac exploring the new pad. Sorry for the poor quality. I don't actually have a video camera; I took these on my Kodak.

Look at what I can do!

2009-09-04T15:18:00.003-05:00

Hi, everyone, this is Isaac. I got tired of my mom never posting any of the cool things I do and say on this blog or showing you guys any of my adorable photos, so I've decided to take matters into my own hands and do it myself.

Yes, I know I have perfect grammar and am very adept at spelling. Thank you for noticing. I'm not a bad typist either.

Anyway, I just wanted to show you guys my cool new slide. My friend Sam has one, and he taught me all about how totally awesome it is.

First, you climb up the steps. (Sorry this picture is so blurry. My mother is obviously as terrible at taking photos as she is at posting on this blog.)

Then, you sit at the top of the slide and make sure everyone sees how cute you are before you push yourself off.

Wheeeeeeeeeee! Sliding is great!

Know what else is great? This awesome hat.

Peace out homies,
Isaac

Animal Sounds

2009-09-01T15:24:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't posted anything in forever. Isaac being not only mobile but also moving at turbo speed most of the time and getting into absolutely everything has left me with little time to blog. On one hand, I sort of feel like I'm just enjoying the time we have together, rather than trying to record everything, but, on the other hand, I know that there are things he's doing now that I don't want to forget, that I won't remember unless I write them down.

Here's one. A game Isaac likes to play with his mom and grandparents.

Mom: What sound does a dog make?
Isaac: Woof.
Mom: What sound does a tiger make?
Isaac: Grrr.
Mom: What sound does Isaac make?
Isaac: GRRRRRR!

Isaac Update

2009-06-22T16:54:00.002-05:00

1. He mastered the stairs last week. We were at Tuesday on the Triangle in Sand Springs, listening to some great blues music, and he had toddled down this grassy hill. He followed the sidewalk to a set of stairs and proceeded to attempt to step up them. He held my hands and raised his little foot to meet each one. Once he made it up the flight of five or six, he turned around and proceeded to head back down. Going down was more difficult, in that he couldn't quite figure it out. He basically just stepped out from one stair to the next, and he would have crashed into them, face first, had he not had such a strong grasp on my fingers. He did that for about 20 minutes straight until I was finally able to distract him with something else.

2. He's also learned to climb up onto the couch. That was another last-week development. Once on the couch, he tried to just simply walk off of it and would have fallen on his face had I not, again, been there to catch him. (See? This mommy thing is pretty important.)

3. He can say Mama, Dada, Nana, dog ("da"), and duck ("duh"). He will occasionally wave hello and goodbye, but typically, when anyone says "Goodbye," he blows kisses. It's almost automatic. Sometimes, he won't even look at you when you tell him bye bye, but he will blow you kisses, even with his back turned.

4. He's also been giving out plenty of real kisses. This began a week ago Saturday (the 13th) when we were leaving my friend Chalyn's garage sale. She told him goodbye, and he leaned over and gave her a kiss. He did the same to Shelly that night, and he's since given kisses to, not only family and friends, but people he's just met for the first time. What a sweet, precious, affectionate little boy.

5. He's got to be going through some kind of developmental milestone or something, because it's been nearly impossible to get him to go to sleep at night. Typically, when he does finally fall asleep, he sleeps all night, but it'll take me anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours just to get him down. No idea what's going on, but I hope it stops soon. Momma needs her rest.

New Gig

2009-05-25T11:25:00.002-05:00

Here's the first column for Tulsa Kids. I'll be interested to hear what you all think.

When a good friend told me she planned to use cloth diapers with her second child, I looked at her like she was crazy.

I had the same look on my face when another friend told me about delivering her nine-pound baby without an epidural, and it’s a look I’ve seen many times on the faces of others – directed toward me.

As an expectant first-time mother, I voraciously devoured any pregnancy-, childbirth- and baby-related literature I could get my hands on. That set of books and magazines included the typical, mainstream stuff marketed to and considered a “must read” for new mothers: What to Expect When You’re Expecting, The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy, Parents, etc.

It wasn’t until seven months into my pregnancy, as I watched videos of medicated and unmediated births and practiced deep chest breathing at my hospital-sponsored birthing class, that I started to consider a natural birth – natural meaning without an epidural, not just vaginal.

My class wasn’t geared toward mothers who planned natural births; in fact, when the nurse who taught the class asked how many of the mothers attending planned to have an epidural, all but me raised their hands.
What convinced me, though, was realizing that birth is a natural process and something that my body is completely capable of handling. The nurse explained to us, “The uterus is a smooth muscle, very similar to the heart, and childbirth is a natural function of the uterus. When your heart functions properly and naturally, it doesn’t hurt.”

So, in theory, neither should childbirth.

I’m not going to kid myself or any of you by saying my labor with my son, Isaac (who’s now one), wasn’t painful. But, in discovering that the pain is manageable and by learning techniques to manage the pain, I was able to remove a lot of the fear I had about childbirth and commit to having a natural birth.

From there, I began to question things I had previously read and seek out new information. I discovered Ina May Gaskin, Dr. Sears and Mothering magazine. I began to rethink, not only the way I would deliver my baby, but how I wanted to raise him. Suddenly, I was considering cloth diapers. I was also considering co-sleeping, baby wearing, making Isaac’s baby food and other things I had considered “crazy” before.

The idea of co-sleeping or refusing an epidural seems crazy to people because information about such things and their benefits aren’t widely available. When I began to seek out information, I found plenty of it, but I really had to look. I wish that more mainstream parenting magazines would include more information about natural and holistic parenting practices, especially as their popularity increases.

Luckily, Tulsa Kids is on board, offering this column, designed to offer information about alternative parenting. We’ll present information on such topics as breastfeeding, baby wearing, toys and playing, feeding, pregnancy and more. And we really want to hear from you, so we’ll continue the conversations we start here online at the (column name) blog on Tulsa Kids’ new Web site, www.tulsakids.com. See you there.

Update

2009-05-25T10:51:00.005-05:00

I've been working so much, with my full-time job and a bevy of freelance assignments, that I haven't had much time for blogging on this site, but Little Man is growing and developing into an ornery but adorable little fellow.

Since Isaac started taking his first wobbly steps earlier this month, he's become a full-fledged walker. He started last Monday, the 18th, walking all over the house. I was at my parents' house that evening, working in the kitchen with my grandmother, and I stepped out to check on Isaac, whom I'd left playing in the living room, but who had teetered his way into the dining room, coming to find his mama. When I caught him, he squealed with delight. In the course of just one week, he has really learned to balance himself, walking (sometimes nearly running) all over the house.

He's as demanding as ever, and has learned to throw tantrums when he doesn't get his way. If he feels like I'm preventing him from getting or doing something he wants, he head butts or bites me. I'm trying to nip that in the bud now, but sometimes I just have to laugh, because even when he's acting like a total brat, he's just the cutest thing ever.

I'm meeting with a Realtor on June 8 to start looking for a new home for I-Man and me. I've been browsing properties for months, but with Vicki's help, we'll really start looking for the perfect house. I'd like to close in August or September, which would give us plenty of time to get packed and move before the lease is up on our apartment in October.

I'm working with the Community Actions Project's first-time home buyer program, which helps low-income families buy their first home and offers a little bit of down payment assistance. Isaac and I have been saving our pennies, and I already know my credit is good and I shouldn't have a problem getting a loan, so the only thing left now is to find the house!

I also picked up another gig (as if I needed any more work) with Tulsa Kids. A few months ago, I pitched the editor a column on natural parenting but didn't hear back for a while. I continued to check in, and finally she told me she liked the idea but didn't think she had room for another column. So, she asked me to write a feature on the subject, but as we discussed my idea and all of the different aspects of natural and attachment parenting, she agreed that there was just too much information to fit into one feature, and so she agreed to give me a column. I'm excited because I think information like this should be made more readily available by mainstream pubs like TK, and I'm also excited that, once I explained my idea to her, the editor got really excited as well. So, my first column, which is basically just an introduction to me and what I'll be writing about, will come out in the June issue. Also, TK is revamping its Web site, so I'll be blogging there as well, extending the information I provide in the column. I'm super excited, and I'll let you all know when it goes live.

How we celebrated Cinco de Mayo...

2009-05-05T22:14:00.002-05:00

Isaac took his first steps tonight! We were at my friend Natasha's house with a couple of other people, as we were engrossed in our conversation, Isaac stood up and took two steps toward me all on his own. I said, "Um, you guys? Isaac just walked." So I stood him up and he did it again, this time with everyone paying attention. We clapped and cheered him on, and he walked back and forth between me and Natasha's husband Aaron for probably about 30 minutes. Sometimes he only managed one or two steps on his own and others he made it four or five. It was incredible. I probably would have been bawling if I hadn't been in the company of others.

Afterward, it was like he understood that being mobile meant he could do so much more, and he was really interested in playing with Natasha's son Sam, more so than he's been any of the times we hung out together with our boys. They hugged and kissed each other over and over. It was so sweet. I have pictures of everything to put up tomorrow when I'm not working on a computer from the Jurassic period.

It was an amazing night, and I know my life is never going to be the same. I just hope I'm ready for it...

Surprise

2009-05-01T20:40:00.001-05:00

I found a molar in Isaac's mouth tonight. It's already halfway in! How did I miss that? (He's also got his fourth lower incisor, if anyone's counting along with me. Haha.)

Little Talker

2009-04-29T20:58:00.002-05:00

Isaac can say "mama," "dog" and "duck" now.

Until today, "mama" had been a word associated only with pain, irritation and despair. He'd only say it when he was sad or frustrated, and when he did, he more whined than he said it. Today, though, he just said "mama." Like, "Hey there, how are ya?" Not like "I'm angry and upset and I don't know why but if you don't fix it I'm going to pull all of your hair out."

"Dog" and "duck" both sound a lot like "da," but he know's what he's saying. He'll point to a dog (usually real) or a duck (usually plastic) and say "Da. Da." Then he smiles and claps his hands.

Even though he's exhausting me, I am still so taken by him. He's less and less like a little baby and more and more like a little boy. And a sweet, smart, affectionate boy at that. He always gives kisses when he's asked for them (for a while, when I asked for a kiss, he'd headbutt me instead. That's since stopped), and he's also learned how to blow kisses, which is about the sweetest thing ever.

I think I may have decided, though, that I don't want any more kids. Until two days ago, I wanted, like, three or four more. But on Monday I took dinner to a friend of mine with a one-week-old. Just observing a newborn and a toddler in the same room together -- even though they aren't both mine -- exhausted me. I'm not sure I could take care of a newborn and a toddler and keep my sanity at the same time. Lord bless my friends Shelly, who has two little ones, and Tasha, who has a toddler and babysits her neighbor's newborn. I think I might be happy with just Isaac. One might just be the perfect number.

Oh, my

2009-04-27T23:27:00.002-05:00

I have a 1-year-old, ya'll. And it's as if, over the course of just one weekend, my little baby turned into a cranky, rambunctious toddler. In just a few days he's increased his mobility ten-fold. He's still not walking and only semi-crawling, but somehow he manages to cross a room in the bat of an eye.

(Tonight, though, he actually crawled. Not the weirdo, half crawl, half walk thing he's been doing, but an actual, normal crawl. I set him down to show off his freakishness to friends of ours, and what does he do but crawl like a normal baby?)

We spent Friday, his actual birthday, at the zoo with our friends Tasha, Miles, Natasha and Sam. It was Isaac's first time to the zoo, and he actually seemed pretty nonplussed. I think the only animal he looked directly at was this monkey in a cage that, after hopping like a rabbit, would stand up and raise his arms over his head. At the flamingo exhibit, I held Isaac up to show him the birds, and when he giggled, I thought, "He must really like these flamingos." But he didn't. He was looking at his feet.

Still, we had a wonderful time and we both left sufficiently exhausted. We went to bed early that night, and Isaac woke me up at 6:15 the next morning. I spent all morning preparing for his party, which started at 2pm and was so much fun. Because Isaac's nap schedule was thrown off by our earlier-than-usual awakening, he was ready for his afternoon nap by the time his party rolled around, but, even though he was exhausted, he was a trooper. He played with the rocks on the playground, spent a lot of time in the arms of everyone who loves him and had a blast opening his presents and smearing cake and icing all over his face. I have some great pictures that I'll try to post tomorrow.

I have so much more to say about my Little Man and how quickly he's growing and what a marvelous personality he's developing, but I'm exhausted and in desperate need of sleep. This entire weekend, I've felt almost as tired as I did when Isaac was a newborn. I guess this is a sign that we've entered toddlerhood. Lord help us.

Interpret this

2009-04-11T20:25:00.002-05:00

I just remembered the dream I had last night. I was in the hospital with a friend who was in labor and about to deliver her baby. I have no idea who it was. She was pushing, and all of a sudden the doctor said that, if the baby didn't come out soon, he'd have to perform an emergency c-section. There was no emergency, and I have no idea how long she had been pushing. The doctor was standing by her head, trying to tell her she needed the c-section, so I moved around to her feet, keeping my hands on her belly. All of a sudden, I felt the baby move down the birth canal, and I caught him as she delivered. I stared at him for a minute, incredulous of what had just happened, before finally placing her baby on her chest. The doctor seemed sort of nonplussed, like he couldn't have cared less that my friend just delivered her baby, basically unassisted, and I caught him. I kept telling her over and over how proud I was of her for delivering him the way she wanted and not letting the doctor force her to have a c-section. I remember being really joyful at what has just happened. Finally, the doctor helped me cut the umbilical cord and helped her deliver the placenta. That's all I remember.

Weird, huh?

Isaac the Incredible

2009-04-06T21:58:00.003-05:00

Isaac learned this trick last week. We were at my parents' house, playing this little game we often do wherein I stand Isaac up, let him go and then catch him before he hits the ground. He really enjoys the free fall, squealing and giggling the entire time.

About the 19th time I did it, though, he didn't fall. He stood there for a good seven seconds before finally plopping back down to the floor. My parents and I were so excited; we screamed, hollered and clapped, which just enthused Isaac more. I'd help him regain his balance and he'd stand there, longer at every attempt. Soon he wasn't waiting for me to stand him back up; he was climbing up himself. I have some awesome pictures of Isaac's standing up process on my computer at work. They are hilarious.

Tonight, Isaac was playing in front of his Fisher Price Sing-Along Stage while I checked my e-mail. I glanced over at him, and he had pulled himself up and was standing in front of it. I ran over and sat beside him because he's been known to pull the thing over on himself. He was dancing along to the music when he accidentally pushed it forward, leaving him in a precarious situation. He kind of whined at first, but after a few seconds, he very slowly, very carefully put one foot in front of the other until he was upright again. Then, he proceed to push the toy, following slowly after it, from the coffee table to the dining room table.

Once he hit the dining room chairs, I turned him back toward the living room and put his Fisher Price shopping cart (I know, it's like a plastic factory at our house) in front of him, and he pushed it from the living room to the dining room again. I helped him around the dining room table and the doorway corners and he got all the way to the bathroom before he decided he'd had enough. It was awesome! I was cracking up the whole time at my little baby who, just last week, could barely keep his balance even when holding on to my fingers, stepping all over the house on his own. I didn't have my camera, so I took some pictures on my phone, but I'm not sure how to get them on the computer. Hopefully Isaac will be up for an encore tomorrow night and I'll have proof of my baby's mobility. I'm so very proud of him. I also know how busy I'm going to be in just a few months.

Oh! AND tonight, Isaac crawled! In the bathtub! Weird, I know. He had scooted himself forward toward the nozzle (which is protected by an inflatable octopus), and, without warning, just turned around and crawled back to the middle of the tub. I was like, where the heck did that come from? Oh, well. I'll take it.

Psychobaby

2009-03-30T08:34:00.002-05:00

Isaac and I were displaced all weekend, thanks to my crappy apartment's crappy heating system not working and my crappy landlord not returning phone calls or text messages three days in a row. So we spent all weekend on my parents' fold-out sofa bed, which is about 16 years old and hurts my back and neck somethin' awful. Still, I'm glad we were there because my parents and grandparents provided a lot of help that I'm not sure I would have survived without.

Wanna know why?

Because my kid, my sweet, adorable, lunatic baby, thought it would be totally awesome to wake up at 4am every day this weekend. I wish I were kidding.

On Saturday I managed to give him a bottle and keep him content until about 6:30 when Grandma snatched him up, thus enabling me to sleep in until 8:30. On Sunday, again, he was up at 4am. This time, he wouldn't go back to sleep. And again, Grandma came to the rescue. She apparently gets up at 4am every day, and she heard him, saved me and, again, I got to sleep until 8:30. Today, he was up at 5. Dad came in and hung out with him until about 5:30, when I made him a bottle and got him back to sleep. Still, I went ahead and got ready for work and was here before 7. Surprisingly enough, I'm only on my first cup of coffee. I think there will be plenty more to come, though, before an eventual, unavoidable midday crash.

I have no idea what's going on with Isaac's newfound desire to greet the day before the sun comes up. I really, really hope it has something to do with the fact that we were away from home and that, starting tonight (Lord willing my crappy landlord decides to do something about our heating situation), everything will go back to normal and Isaac will not wake up before 7am any day this week.

His disposition has been great. He's woken up every morning in a good mood, ready to play, crawling all over me, which would be great if it weren't so freakin' early. What a psycho.

More gushing

2009-03-27T12:51:00.002-05:00

I love getting kisses from my Little Man. Whenever I want a kiss, I lean toward him with my mouth wide open and say, "Aaaahhh." That's because, when he first started giving kisses, they were always these huge, wet, drooly kisses that he gave with his mouth open as wide as possible. Now he gives kisses with his lips shut, but he still understands that a wide-mouthed "aaaahhhhh" is the sign that I want one. He leans in and presses his little lips against mine for the sweetest kiss anyone could ever receive.

The very best, though, are the kisses that he gives without my asking for them. Sometimes, especially in the evening after I get him from Gramma's, he'll just look at me and then lean over and press his lips to mine without any warning or reason at all. Those are the absolute best. My kid is pretty awesome, yo.

The best part of my day...

2009-03-25T19:55:00.000-05:00

Is when I pick Isaac up after work. As soon as he sees me, his face bursts into a grin, he reaches his arms out and he says, "Uh, uh!" It is so awesome to know how much your kid loves you and misses you when you're gone. It's almost impossible to comprehend. And I am so grateful.

Signs I may be doing something wrong...

2009-03-23T18:03:00.002-05:00

So, about a week and a half ago, our TV broke, and I haven't gotten around to fixing it or getting a new one. Isaac is really fond of playing with the remote, and he totally knows if I'm giving him a placebo remote or the real thing. He knows when he's pushing buttons and making something happen on the TV. Since ours has been broken, he'll push the buttons, look up at the TV, push the buttons harder and then grunt in annoyance when nothing happens. Today, he picked up the remote, pointed it at the TV with one hand and let out a little yelp of anger when nothing happened. I'm not sure whether to think he's a genius baby for understanding how the remote works or to think I'm a horrible mother because he understands how the remote works.

Also, last Friday after work Isaac and I went to McNellie's with a group of pals that included my friend Natasha and her son Sam, who is almost exactly two months older than Isaac. Babies tend to be a little handsy with each other, and Sam has certainly grabbed Isaac's shirt and screamed in his face before, but he was on his absolute best behavior this afternoon. When Natasha's husband Aron set Sam next to Isaac so the two could play, Isaac immediately smacked Sam in the face. Sam took it in stride, but when he went to touch Isaac's face -- gently, even -- Isaac burst into tears. Twice. Is he going to be the kid who always packs up his toys and goes home crying? I sure hope not. I don't mind a little sensitivity in a man, but I don't want it to be crippling!

In other news (who needs CNN with headlines like these?) Isaac is no longer nursing. As of last week. After a few nights apart and since I'm no longer pumping at work, my body has stopped producing enough milk to sustain him. And I'm OK with it. I wanted to be able to nurse a year, but I'm more than happy we made it 11 months (tomorrow!). Since I'm not nursing, I've stopped feeding Isaac at night. It's been a little more tiring, since I've had to actually get out of bed (sometimes) to console him when he wakes, but I think the long-term effect is going to be him sleeping through the night. Over the weekend he slept all night until 5:30 Saturday, Sunday and today. Why now he thinks he needs to get up at 5:30am is beyond me, and I sure wish he would cut it out. We're still co-sleeping, and I still love it because, at times, I can just pull him closer and ease him to sleep. I'm sure, at some point, we'll we wean from the co-sleeping as well, but I rather enjoy the extra time with him since I have to work during the day.

Oh, Brother

2009-03-15T10:39:00.002-05:00

Brother is officially no longer enlisting in the Marines. He just came home one day and his mind had changed. He told me he realized he wasn't doing it because it was what he wanted; he was allowing himself to be influenced by someone else. I was glad that he realized that and understood that he needs and deserves to make decisions about his future himself. So, what does he want to do?

Music.

Really?

Really.

Ugh.

OK, I love Brother, and I believe that he can do anything as long as he's willing to put in the work. And he's very talented at many things -- he's smart, he's a great writer and he's a good artist. And while he has managed to teach himself to play the guitar, he has no natural talent or ability when it comes to music. He doesn't even know that much about music. He listens to music, but he's not one of those cool, hipster music geeks who knows everything about music and is always listening to stuff that won't be popular for at least five years but when it finally is, it changes the world. He's not that guy. If the kid had been in the band during school I could maybe understand him wanting to pursue music. But he wants to be a rock star and, I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen. It's like the time he decided he wanted to be a WWE wrestler.

He also mentioned being a history teacher, an idea I can definitely get on board with. I told him I think kids who didn't do well in school can sometimes make the best teachers because they understand and can empathize with kids who learn differently or need some extra help. But, the thing is, if he really wants to be a teacher, he's got to go to school himself. And he's got to work really hard and make good grades. And that's going to be difficult for him, not because he can't do it, but because it's going to require a lot of hard work and effort and that's not always something he's willing to put forth. I also worry about how he's going to pay for school. Mom and Dad have no money, his HS grades aren't good enough to get him a scholarship, and I don't know that, if he were to take out a bunch of student loans, he'd be able to pay them back (Brother has not yet mastered the art of the budget). He could maybe get some grants based on his and our parents' incomes, but I still worry that his poor marks will get in the way of any free funding.

I still want him to pursue culinary school. That was the first idea he's ever had that was his own, that was practical, that was feasible and that he seemed really interested in working toward. After he decided he wanted to be a chef, he cooked dinner almost every night for the family and watched the Food Network religiously (although, so do I). I just think that becoming a chef is something Brother could do and do really well. I think it would be perfect for him. He would have to spend some time in school, but he wouldn't need a four-year degree, and he wouldn't be chained to a desk, filling in Scantron bubbles every day. He'd have very little chance of getting bored, and that's a problem he's always run into in school. And the same would be true if he got a job in a restaurant.

So, if I encourage him (dare I say, even attempt to persuade him) to pursue culinary school, is that the same as when his friend talked him into enlisting in the Marines? At what point do you cross the line that divides guidance and peer pressure? Because the kid certainly needs some guidance and direction, but I don't want to find myself guilty of pushing him into something that he really doesn't want. I also don't want him to work at Warehouse Market for the rest of his life because he's holding out for super stardom.

Oh, Brother

2009-03-06T15:27:00.002-06:00

So just when I was getting used to the idea of Brother going into the Marines (and very proud of him for losing about 30 pounds to do so), I find out today that the Marines are no longer part of his "plan." I have no idea what his latest brilliant idea is, but I plan to find out tonight (over a free, home-cooked meal at my parents' house). Keep ya posted! LOL.

My Valentine baby and other precious moments

2009-02-23T15:57:00.008-06:00

I never did brag about my Valentine's Day gift. Even though John and I aren't together, he was sweet and showed up at my house with these:

And a card:
Pretty good penmanship for a 9 and a half-month-old, eh? He still gets his "Ys" and "Es" backwards, but I'm sure he'll get the hang of them in no time.

Here's my little Valentine now:

I'm pretty sure February 14 was the best Valentine's Day ever, thanks to this little guy.

Speaking of adorable babies with huge, blue eyes, wanna hear something funny? Isaac loves these Gerber puff things.
He ate these for breakfast the other day because I didn't have anything to make for myself and he refuses to eat his baby food. But he's so funny about them. He won't eat them whole; it takes about four bites for him to finish one puff. He holds them in his little hand and nibbles them until they're gone.

The other night, after we ate dinner, I left Isaac in his high chair while I got his bath water ready, and I gave him the paper towel I had been using to wipe his grubby little mouth to keep him occupied and from screaming while I readied his bath.

When I came back to get him, this is what I found:

I'm not sure how much paper towel he ingested, but I'm willing to bet not all of it escaped his mouth.

Then, he did this:

I think it's funny to take pictures of Isaac when he sneezes. It's one of the many things about him I find both adorable and hilarious.

I'm Okay, You're Okay

2009-02-19T16:04:00.003-06:00

Dear friends and family,

Today, two really nice ladies named Rachel and Susie from Soonerstart came to my house to play with me. At first, I was a little nervous because they were strangers, but my mom and grandma were there, too, and they said the ladies were really nice. Plus, they had all these fun toys for me to play with, like balls and slinkys and stuff. They asked my mom lots of questions about me, and I was like, "Hello? I'm right here. I can answer my own questions, thankyouverymuch." So I talked to the ladies a lot and they thought I was very cute and funny.

Then, one of the ladies made me lay on my tummy. At first I was pretty mad, but she gave me a ball to play with, so it was OK. But then she started making my sit up and lay back down and try to crawl, but all I wanted to do was play with this really cool ball so I got kind of mad at her. Plus, my nose is still runny and when you don't feel very good, you definitely don't want to be messed with. The lady showed my mom how to help me rotate from a sitting up position to a crawling position, and even though I didn't like it very much when the lady did it, I think it'll be OK when mom does it.

When they finished playing with me and talking to my mom, the ladies said I didn't qualify for their program because my development is not delayed like my mom thought it might be. (See, mom?) They told my mom she could practice crawling with me more and make sure I get lots more tummy time (even though I hate it), but, other than that, I am just perfect.

Well, I knew that.

Just thought you guys would like to know! I'm going to go now and see if I can trick my grandma into getting me a cookie.

Love,
Isaac

25 Things About Isaac

2009-02-16T22:03:00.005-06:00

1. His mouth is welcoming teeth Nos. 6 and 7 right now.

2. He's got two sets of shape blocks, one plastic and one wooden, and out of both, his favorites are the blue, round ones. He'll pull the blocks out of their respective boxes and toss them aside one by one, but every time he gets a hold of the blue ones, all of which happen to be round shapes, he'll hang onto them and continue to toss the others out.

3. He no longer wants his baby food, but he'll eat anything I give him off of my plate.

4. He refuses to hold his own bottle or sippy cup. He's done it before, but he won't do it on a regular basis.

5. He loves to stand up, and he'll walk across a room holding onto an adults fingers. He'll take a few steps and then kick his feet wildly in a sort of stomp dance as he giggles with delight.

6. Any time his immediate family members enter a room, he insists they hold him. He holds his arms out and says, "Eh! Eh!" until said person holds him. They don't have to hold him long, just for about a minute and then he's ready to go back to whomever was holding him previously.

7. He's really shy around new people and places. It usually takes him about an hour to warm up and start acting like himself around anyone new.

8. He loves football. Seriously. Anything else can be on TV and he won't pay much attention, but if football's on, he's captivated. Dammit.

9. He loves buttons. He's always trying to bite the buttons on my blouses. I worry that one day he'll pull one off and choke on it.

10. He gets really, really concerned whenever he sees someone crying or upset. He looks at you with the sweetest look in his big blue eyes and you immediately feel at least 100 percent better.

11. He loves music and does this sort of head bang dance and bounces up and down whenever he hears any.

12. He's very needy and almost always wants attention and interaction. Which is OK.

13. When he was born, he was huge. Now he's measuring in around the 25th-50th percentile of babies his age. What a runt.

14. Because he's so long and thin, I have a hard time finding pants that fit. Everything that fits in length is too big in the waist, and his pants are always falling off his little bottom.

15. He has the cutest little bottom ever.

16. He hates having his nose boogies picked, a trait we're realizing now that he's sick AGAIN. I'm breastfeeding why?? Is it working? Are these things on? Anyway, I'm pretty sure I would hate someone else's finger or an aspirator in my nose, too. He screams bloody murder.

17. His favorite toys are the TV remote controls, my cell phone and paper.

18. He loves taking things out of baskets and boxes. He has yet to learn how to put them back in.

19. Since John has been hanging around so much lately, he is really getting to know and love his Daddy.

20. But he's still a momma's boy.

21. Rather than slap them with the palm of his hand, he now pushes the buttons on his toys with one finger.

22. He has the sweetest, most adorable laugh in the whole world. And he laughs a lot. He's a very happy, good-natured baby.

23. He has never had an ear infection (knock on wood), thanks to his OMT treatments.

24. He looks his absolute cutest (according to mom) when he's wearing his jammies. I don't know what it is, but I think he looks so adorable in his pajamas.

25. His momma loves him more than she ever knew she could.

Oh, man... What have I gotten myself into now?

2009-02-09T23:10:00.000-06:00

Tulsa Art Blog

A Math Worksheet (Or, "Blessings in Disguise")

2009-02-08T12:02:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about finances lately. One of my New Year's resolutions was to spend less money. So far, I haven't been doing so well. I looked back through my checkbook register at my spending habits for January, and I realized that I still make way to many impulse purchases and spend too much money on frivolous things that neither I nor Isaac need.

For instance, I continue to buy him toys when I know full well he's just as pleased to have a piece of paper or the remote control. Instead of buying new stuff, I need to put away some of what we have and bring out things that he hasn't played with in a while so that they seem new. Also, I eat out for lunch (and dinner) way too often, and I do so out of laziness. Instead, I need to put forth the effort to cook dinner every night, making a little extra to pack for lunch the next day. Isaac's eating habits have helped encourage this. He no longer wants to eat his baby food. Since he has five (almost six!) teeth, he's much more interested in eating what's on my plate. This has encouraged me to make more healthful meal choices for myself because I want him to eat wholesome, healthy meals. So, I'm steaming a lot of veggies that I can cut into little pieces for him, and pairing them with chicken or fish and rice for me.

Also (and last example, I promise), I spend $2 every day on a grande cup of Starbucks coffee from Boston Avenue Grille, in the building next door to my office. I do this because I'm usually too rushed in the morning to make a cup of coffee to take with me and because I don't like the Folgers blend that the rest of the folks in my office drink. The solution? I've learned that I spend a lot of money out of convenience. When I take the time to make coffee or cook a meal or whatever, I can save a lot of money. So, I bought a pound of whole beans in the Starbucks variety I prefer, and by grinding them and brewing them each morning, I get a cup of coffee equal to but cheaper than what I've been buying every morning.

This all came on after I started asking my friend Natasha's dad, who's a CPA, a lot of questions about my taxes. What I found out is that being a poor, single mother is going to have some advantages for me. I found out I can lower my tax rate by filing as Head of Household; that, since I am so poor, I qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit; and that (and I already kind of knew this) I'll get a nice chunk of money back for having Isaac. All of that on top of what I would have already gotten back from the government as part of my regular yearly tax return. I think, and I'll know more on Thursday after I get my taxes done, that, with the money I get back, I can pay off, if not all, most of my credit card debt (which I accrued, mostly right after high school and during college, because of my impulsive spending habits). That money, the money I was using to pay off my credit cards, I want to put toward a down payment on a house. I also want to put everything I make writing freelance into that same coffer. If I do that, I think I could buy a house in a year. That realization is overwhelming me right now.

I've been thinking for a couple of years about buying a house. I've never spoken a peep about it or written anything about it here because I wasn't sure if or when it might actually be feasible, and I only like to speak aloud the goals I think are actually attainable. It has something to do with my lifelong fear of failure, I think. Anyway, now that I'm realizing that home ownership is actually within my grasp, I just can't believe it. I feel absolutely amazed by God's power, to be completely honest. I never thought being a single mother could have its blessings (other than the blessing of having my son, of course). But, if I were with John or married right now, none of this would be possible. I mean, how amazing is that? And I know it's not an accident; I just hope I don't screw it up! Which is why I have to get my spending under control. I went into Lundeby's Eco Baby the other day with my friend Megan, and I didn't buy a thing! (Amazing considering that's never happened to me before in that store.) At Target, I bought the diapers and formula I needed, but, even though I browsed the toys, I didn't buy anything. (It helps, too, that I've decided to also be more thoughtful about where and how I spend my money. I plan to make a more concentrated effort to spend it at local businesses.)

(Ladies, that does not mean that I'm giving up on Lunch Fridays. I will be there for sure!)

Hey, Yoo Gu-uys! (Insert Goonies-style inflection here.)

2009-02-04T09:48:00.003-06:00

Step 1: Go to The Brook (or anywhere else local literature is available).
Step 2: Pick up a Tulsa Kids.
Step 3: Turn to page 11.
Step 4: Coo and giggle over the adorable little man in the Lunedby's Eco Baby ad.
Step 5: Show all your friends.

Can you tell I'm proud? Probably the best part of the whole thing was Isaac's reaction to it. We sat down at my parents' dining room table with the magazine, and the looked at and grinned at and touched his photo. He'd turn his face up to mine and smile and then go back to staring at his photo. We looked at photos of other kids in the magazine, and he didn't have that reaction, so I'm sure he recognized himself.

Still, I wonder if maybe we shouldn't have used this photo:

Or, this one:

Sure, neither of them have anything to do with Tiffany's store, but they're pretty adorable.

Physical Therapy update:
The therapist my doctor wanted us to see isn't in our insurance network, so we will be going through Soonerstart, which will take a bit more time but is totally free. They're processing our request now, and, in about a week, we should have an appointment. I'm wondering if, by then, we'll even need one. Since Friday, Isaac has been pulling himself up to stand. Mostly, he pulls up on me when we're sitting next to one another, but he does it completely on his own without any help from me. He's also pulled up in his pack-n-play at my parents' house and, yesterday, while I was trying to put on his shoes, he sat up (he was laying down), leaned forward and got on his hands and knees like he wanted to crawl. So, who knows, maybe he will be ready sooner than we though. I do appreciate everyone who encouraged me to see the positive side of the physical therapy possibility and who assured me my son's slow development wasn't my fault. :) Love you guys!

Wrestling

2009-02-02T16:42:00.003-06:00

So, I'm wrestling with the idea of starting yet another blog. I know I haven't been very good at keeping up with Green Tulsa, but I really hoped it would be more of a community project, and I just haven't had the time or tenacity to corral writers. And while sustainability is a subject I'm extremely interested in, it's not one I know a lot about, so I'm a bit timid about publishing posts that could make me look like I'm preachy about something I know nothing about. When I do finally get up the guile to post, it involves a lot of research (read: time).

I'm thinking, though, about starting a blog that would cover performance and visual arts in Tulsa. It would be a sort of extension of the writing I'm doing for Urban Tulsa Weekly and Intermission Magazine (new gig! So excited!). The more I write, especially for UTW, the more I realize how much I'm leaving out of my columns. Tulsa's got so many arts organizations with so much to offer the community, and they all deserve coverage. A blog would be a way to give them that coverage, build my writing portfolio and make even more contacts in the arts community. I sort of half-heartedly attempted to do this once before, with a blog called Walleye. I only posted once and then I let it fall by the wayside. At the time, my heart wasn't really in it. But, now that I'm obsessed with blogging and have a re-energized interest in the arts community, I'm thinking a local arts blog might be a good idea.

Thoughts, anyone?

25 Things

2009-01-29T15:41:00.002-06:00

I've done something similar to this before. I think Tasha tagged me once with "10 Things." Anyway, someone on Facebook tagged me, and I thought it would be fun to post this here, too. I'll go ahead and tag Tasha, Shelly and Stephanie. I know these ladies have beau coups of free time in which they love to spout off random nonsense about themselves. Ladies, you can thank me later. I prefer chocolate chip cookies to greeting cards.

1. I can't tell time. Not well, anyway. It takes a while.
2. I have one tattoo, but I want more. LOTS more. Just working up my nerve...
3. I think about changing careers every other day. Some days, I want to be a nurse. Others, I want to own a retail business. Mostly, I wish I could be a SAHM.
4. I have no inherent artistic ability. As a kid I painted, and I did theatre throughout high school, but I worked really, really hard at them. The only thing that has ever come naturally to me is writing.
5. I want at least four kids. I want to birth one more and adopt two. I decided this last week.
6. Kristi, if I ever have a baby girl, I will name her Esme. I love that name. And, how cute is this: Esme and Isaac. So cute.
7. I feel much, much older than I am.
8. I hate test driving cars. I get really, really nervous. I always think the sales person is cringing at what an awful driver I am.
9. I have a horrible memory, especially when it comes to remembering people I've met. I'm always that person going, "I know you from somewhere, but I can't remember where..."
10. Thus, if ever I'm meeting someone for the second or third time, I feel it completely necessary to reintroduce myself as though we've never met. I assume that no one remembers me, either. I've noticed that people find this sort of weird.
11. The only foods I don't like are beans, olives and Brussels sprouts. I'll eat anything else.
12. I don't know how to behave around people who are timid and soft-spoken. It's weird to me. I don't know how to handle them. I think it's because they usually don't get my biting, sarcastic sense of humor.
13. I HATE knick knacks. I hate cute, decorative crap. If it doesn't serve a purpose, I get rid of it.
14. I love books. They're probably the things I "collect." I don't like borrowing books from the library because I like to be able to bend the spine, fold the pages and write all over them. I think people who don't bend the spines of their books are WEIRDOS (yeah, Natasha, I'm totally talking to you).
15. I love to cook, although I don't have much time for it with a nine-month-old.
16. I used to be fluent in German and American Sign Language. I doubt I could even carry on a conversation in either now.
17. I want desperately to travel to Germany.
18. I'm extremely bothered by people who walk, speak or drive slowly.
19. I love to grocery shop. A trip to stock the pantry will take me at least two hours because I read every label.
20. I hate clothes shopping.
21. I know nothing about music.
22. I don't have an iPod and have no idea how iTunes works, even though it's on my computer and more than one person has tried to explain it to me.
23. I'm always cold, even in the summer.
24. I still waddle, a side effect of my pregnancy that I haven't been able to shake. I think maybe I waddled before I got pregnant.
25. I have to go to the bathroom. Now and frequently.

Wear your baby before he's old enough to wriggle!

2009-01-28T16:49:00.006-06:00

So, I was perusing the sites nominated for an Okie Blog Award, when I stumbled upon Emery Jo's moms are for everyone!. She's nominated for Best Family Blog, and I right away fell in love with her blog. She just had her second son (an amazing birth story), and her laid back, organic approach to parenting is very appealing to me.

(I also liked this site, nominated for Best Writing, written by an attachment parenting-minded mama. And, my good friend Natasha was nominated twice for Best Culture Blog. Check out Tasha Does Tulsa and My Life as Told by Food. If you blog in Oklahoma, you're eligible to vote for these awards, so do it.)

So, anyway, I'm perusing moms are for everyone!, and I notice a post in which Emery Jo talks about having made a sling for her newborn boy. As a new mother, I lacked any faith in myself that would prompt me to make a sling or anything else for Isaac. But I desperately wanted a ring sling. They're adjustable, so you can keep your baby as close as you want comfortably. And you can adjust the position in which you carry your baby as he grows. The thing is, I've never seen one on sale for less than $70. And I just don't have that kind of cash.

I did spring for a Zolo pouch sling, which I got at Natural Lullabies for about $50, using a 25 percent off coupon they gave me on my first visit to pick up some Motherlove herbal breastfeeding supplements. I love the sling.

It's made from organic cotton, and you can wear it about four different ways, until your kid is way too darn old to be carrying him around on your back. When Isaac was younger and less wriggly, I loved being able to wear him around the house and when I went to the store or the park or, well, anywhere. It not only allowed me to be close to my son, but it also kept my hands free to perform whatever menial tasks became necessary. Still, I often wished I had a ring sling. I'm not sure it would matter now if I did or not, because the last few times I've tried to tuck Isaac into the pouch sling (which I should, theoretically, be able to do for at least three more years), he's wriggled and writhed so much that I couldn't keep him in it.

Even so, I recently found myself scouring the Web for ring sling patterns, wanting to learn more about how to make them, on the off chance I ever get the opportunity to have another baby (please, oh please, someday). I found a couple of good sites, and I thought I'd share them here in case anyone else has need for them before I do.

Slingrings.com has a lot of patterns for various types of slings as well as links to other sites. Here, you can also buy the rings you'll need when making your own sling (they caution against buying rings from a craft store, which might not be sturdy enough to hold your baby's weight).

Also, Sling Your Baby is a blog with many different sling patterns and instructions. If you scroll down on the site, she offers some really helpful video instructions for making ring slings. The simplicity and straightforwardness of her blog make sling-making seem so simple. If I had known it could be so easy, I definitely would have made Isaac a sling nine months ago.

If anyone decides to follow any of these instructions, please let me know how your sling turns out!

I defy you, medical professionals

2009-01-26T20:40:00.003-06:00

Today I took Isaac to the doctor for his nine-month check-up. (I know, I can't believe he's already nine months old, either. In three tiny little months, my tiny little baby will be a toddler. I'm so not ready.)

Just as the doctor and I were determining that Isaac is healthy and perfect, she asked about crawling and pulling up. I told her he's doing neither. He doesn't seem too interested in crawling and he hates tummy time. He's attempted to pull himself up once or twice, but he's never made it off his bottom. She put him on his tummy, checked out his arms and watched him push his chest off the table and said he may or may not have some upper body weakness. She's going to send us to a physical therapist to have his upper body strength assessed and find out if he needs any kind of therapy or special training, either at home or with a professional.

If he is developing poorly, it's mine and his grandparents' fault. We've never put him on his tummy as much as is recommended by those in the medical community. We'd just rather not watch him writhe and cry on the floor. I actually never thought my son would be delayed in any of his developments (what mother does?), and I'm still not convinced he actually is. I guess we'll just see what the physical therapist has to say. Until then, instead of focusing on what he can'tt do, I'm going to focus on what he can do:

1. Clap his hands. He claps when he's happy or excited or when one of the adults in his life cheers "yay, Isaac!" (which we often do).
2. Splash in the tub. I was so excited when I taught him how to do this, until I realized I'll never make it through another bath dry. Still, he gets the cutest, goofiest grin on his face every time his hands hit the water.
3. Give high-five. His Nana taught him this over the weekend.
4. Walk holding onto a grown-up's fingers. Sometimes his steps are very calculated, and other times he gets so excited that his feet just sort of spazz in the direction he wants to go.
5. Cruise along the coffee table.
6. Eat small bits of veggies and processed Gerber snacks.
7. Give hugs and kisses. The best hugs and kisses.
8. Squeal with delight.
9. Yell or "cough" to get attention.
10. Growl.

Sigh

2009-01-23T08:36:00.001-06:00

Bear with me. Changed my template, and now I've got to re-add all of my links and other fun stuff I've been accumulating for so long now.

Isaac's Big Break

2009-01-20T16:27:00.004-06:00

Last week, I got a harried call from Tiffany Bjorlie, owner of Lundeby's Eco Baby, that fantastic little Brookside shop providing green-minded moms relief from from the infinite shelves of plastic toys carried by other shops. (I love her place.)

A few weeks prior, I had told Tiffany that, if she ever needed an adorable baby model to pose in sumptuous organic clothing, holding reasonably-priced, sustainable wooden toys, well, I might know someone. She called to take me up on my offer, saying her ad for Tulsa Kids magazine was due the next day, and she needed a photo, fast. Being the laid back, cool-headed, flexible baby he is, Isaac was up for an early-morning photo shoot the next day. It was cold, and semi-snowing, but I-Man came through.

He was a little irritated by us at first--it was cold and early--but Tiffany gave him Sophie to play with, and that made him happy enough for us to get a few good photos out of him.

FYI, he did NOT enjoy riding the horse. He likes the one we have at home, but he wasn't thrilled with me trying to set him atop this one. But then, that could have been because it was early and cold and he was irritated with me anyway.

Ah, there's the smile...

I am fully aware that I now have to go back to Lundeby's and buy him Sophie. Okay, I don't have to, but I sure want to. I've already spent about half of my birthday money on him anyway, but I can't really think of anything else I'd rather spend it on...

Here's the finished ad. I'm so proud! I've been trying to get the kid on the cover of UTW since I had him. I'm still thinking about my angle. Some day, darn it, he will be on the cover. Heck, once the Tulsa Kids folks see this ad, I'm sure they'll want him for their cover, too! :)

Birthing Revisited

2009-01-19T13:57:00.002-06:00

I visited a woman in the hospital Friday who'd just had a baby. At the beginning of her pregnancy, she informed me that she planned to have a cesarean section because she worried that vaginally birthing a baby would forever destroy her nether regions. I was excited, then, to find out that she had actually birthed her son vaginally. I was more excited to hear that her doctor urged her to do so. It seems that, lately, more doctors are encouraging c-sections than they are vaginal and natural births.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) when I see pregnant women, I find myself wanting another baby. I know it's crazy. I'd never be able to handle more than one on my own (it's a wonder I manage to take care of Isaac), but, eventually, I really do hope to have another baby. I'd like to birth one more and then adopt one or two. (We can talk about how crazy I am later.) But, as I held this woman's 7-pound, 15-ounce bundle of baby boy, I didn't find myself wishing I had another little one. Quite the opposite, actually. The memory of Isaac's first few weeks at home is still fresh in my mind, and the experience is not one I'm in a hurry to go through again. While I love my Little Man more than anything in the world, having a newborn was probably one of the most harrowing experiences of my life.

However, finding out about this did make me want to rush out and get pregnant again: tulsabirthcenter.com.
A local midwife and doula have opened a birthing and naturopathic center at 33rd and Peoria called The Renaissance Center. Finally, women who aren't quite up to having a home birth but don't want a hospital experience have an independent birthing center where they can give birth naturally and with minimal medical intervention. This is exactly what I wish I would have had for Isaac's birth. I'm so excited for the many women in Tulsa who will have the opportunity to birth their babies here and for what the center can accomplish in the way of educating women about the benefits of natural childbirth. I'm going to visit with the founders tomorrow for a story for TBJ and try my best to contain my excitement.

Isaac update

2009-01-13T21:21:00.003-06:00

So, I think Isaac may have crawled tonight. We were laying in bed, and I was trying to get him to go to sleep, and, all of a sudden, he flipped over onto his belly. Normally, he hates being on his belly, and he screams and cries during tummy time. Tonight, though, he laughed and giggled and squirmed around like he might be trying to inch his way forward. I put a toy just out of arm's reach as a motivator, but instead of crawling toward it, he just flipped back and forth from his tummy to his back. Pretty soon, on his hands and knees, pushing off with his feet against the mattress, he crawled (I think)! But he didn't crawl forward, he crawled sideways, toward me. I think that counts. Right?

On Sunday, while we were at my parents' house, I was reading the newspaper, and Isaac kept grabbing for the paper. We gave him a page, and he began to rip it in halves, always discarding the half in his right hand. He kept ripping the paper over and over, until he had a piece that was just about bite-sized. He started to put it in his mouth, but I caught him and took it away from him. He started to throw one of his Isaac Fits (which he's getting really, really good at), and I held the bit of paper out to him. Instead of taking it from my hand, he opened his mouth and aimed it toward the bit of paper. Gosh, I wish I had video of that one. I'm not sure it comes across in writing quite as hilarious as it actually was. He repeated that process for about an hour, and then again tonight for about 30 minutes with some junk mail.

Oh, Brother... future Marine?

2009-01-13T15:55:00.003-06:00

So, Brother has completed his enlistment into the Marines, a process capped off by the very precise placement of a "Proud Parent of a Marine" sticker in the back window of my parents' vehicle. I think that last maneuver is still a little premature -- the kid doesn't ship out for boot camp until May 18, and he's got until three days prior to change his mind. He's to use the next few months to lose 20 pounds; his weight is the reason for his deferred enlistment.

And even though he's got months and months to chicken out, I'm not sure he will. He seems pretty excited about his decision to join the government's most strenuous military branch. Last weekend, at my parents' house, he proudly displayed his mostly recently obtained military swag: a small tin crammed with brochures on what it means to serve in the Marines, an introductory DVD and bumper stickers. At dinner he ate a fraction of what he would have normally consumed.

So, if he goes through with it, I'll guess we'll know by boot camp whether he's cut out for military service or not. There are only two ways this thing can go: he'll either make it, or it'll break him. Who knows? Maybe he'll surprise me...

I forgot to mention two side effects of Brother's military enlistment: He now tells really off-color jokes that he has apparently learned from the various other recruits he's met at MEPS, and, on his most recent trip, he met... a girl. She was enlisting in the Army as he was completing his own enlistment. I know nothing about her except that she ships out to Basic next month. She lives nearby, though, and he's been seeing her pretty frequently. So, I guess we'll see about that, too!

Isaac's letter to his mother

2009-01-09T10:06:00.002-06:00

My dad sent this to me a couple of weeks ago. Isaac loves the computer, and sometimes, when my dad is working, he'll put Isaac on his lap and let him pound on the keyboard for a bit. And he really does pound. The slams his fingers against the keys with something like fury, and you can see the intent in his eyes. Then he looks up at you and grins. It's the best.

Here's what Isaac had to say to his mom that day:

Xxqqqqqqqqqoi:Ll

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’ ‘
xuhkjhkhkjhkhkjhkjhfhddgfhgfhgfhgfhgfgfyfffgm

Ride that pony

2009-01-06T08:51:00.001-06:00

Isaac forgot to show you guys one of his Christmas presents. His Grandma and Grandpa Wall got him this Radio Flyer rocking horse. It's pretty cool.

Now we have to go to town to get that baby some candy.

Right, Tasha?

Why do I keep wasting my money?

2009-01-05T13:53:00.008-06:00

Yesterday, I bought Isaac this:
It's "Dapper Dan." Isaac has been kind of obsessed with buttons lately, so I thought he'd like it. You can button, buckle, zip and velcro about a million different things on this guy. I think he's totally fun and cool. Isaac did, too, while we were in the store.

When we got home, though, all he wanted to play with was this:
It's an advertisement that came in the mail Saturday for a new bridal shop in town.

Yup, my baby appreciates the simple things in life. He doesn't need fancy toys with buttons and buckles and zippers. Nope, he's way above that material stuff.

If I didn't love the kid so darn much, I'd swear off buying him toys altogether.

Haha. Yeah, right. We all know that's not going to happen...

But seriously, they should lock me out of every store in the city, whether it sells toys or not. Whether it sells anything kids and babies might be remotely interested in or not. Because, chances are, no matter the place, I'd find something in there Isaac just couldn't live without. And then I'd watch as he gleefully absorbed a toilet paper roll.

(P.S. Take notice of the crossed feet. I tell you, he ALWAYS sits like this. What a weirdo. Couldn't have gotten that fro his mom. Nope. No way.)

Ready, set...

2009-01-05T09:16:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, at my parents' house, I put Isaac on the floor for a little tummy time and to encourage him to attempt crawling. I do this every day, and every day he just lays flat on his belly, his arms and legs lifted and flailing in the air, and screams.

Saturday, he did this:
He's on his hands and knees! This photo was taken later that same day, when I put him down on the floor again to see if he would stay on his hands and knees or if that one time was just a fluke. Nope, folks, the Little Man is gettin' ready to crawl!

Or, something...
He's just not quite sure where to go from here. And, as you can see, the frustration is mounting...

And here comes the screaming. He'd had enough. Right after I snapped this photo, I, of course, rescued him from the horrible situation in which I'd put him. Poor baby. At least we know that he won't be the last baby on earth to crawl. Not that it's really that big of a deal. I know I kind of make it seem like one here, but I'm really not that worried about him crawling and walking. I know he will when he's ready. And I'm sure I'll meet that moment with a combination of pride and dismay. And I'll regret that I ever wished for him to be mobile.

We spent a lot of time Sunday at John's, and I started thinking about how, this month, Isaac will be nine months old, and only three months after that, he'll be a year old! It wasn't long before I was whining to my son's father, "I can't believe Isaac is almost a year old! I'm not ready for my baby to grow up!"

He somewhat brought me back down to reality, reminding me that Isaac just turned eight months old and has almost four to go before he's the big "1," but still, I can't help but think that day will come too quickly. Yet another reason to remember to slow down and enjoy every moment of my son's immobility that I possibly can. It won't be long before he's crawling and running away from me. He's already begun to wriggle out of my arms when I hold him! You can see in his face that he wants to get down and get into everything, and, as soon as he can, he will.

So maybe I can put off the "go" part a little while longer...

Oh, Brother: Part 2

2009-01-04T20:35:00.003-06:00

Brother is in Oklahoma City, preparing to take a physical exam and fill out mountain loads of paperwork that will semi-finalize his enlistment into the Marines. Yes, apparently culinary school is out and the military is back in. Not the Army National Guard as he had originally planned, but the Marines, because his friend/man crush is a Marine who just finished boot camp.

(Philip is a good friend and a good influence, and I appreciate that Brother has such a positive influence in his life, but I wish he wouldn't try to emulate Philip so literally. Pretty much everything the kid does, Brother wants to do. Hence, Philip is his "man crush.")

By tomorrow evening, Brother will have all but signed his name away to the Marine Corps. He won't leave for boot camp until May 18 (he's got to lose 20 pounds before they'll even let him that far), and he's got until May 15 to change his mind. Which he may very well do. He's already done it so many times.

I liked the idea of him going to culinary school and becoming a chef because it seemed like something he would actually follow through with and be really good at. And, it was his own idea, uninfluenced by anyone else. It's the only idea he's ever had that wasn't a direct result of peer pressure or his friends' influence.

Philip, the Marine/man crush, was in town over Christmas vacation and somehow got Steven thinking joining the Marines was a really great idea. Who knows, it may be. But I wonder if, now that his friend has gone back to California and he's alone in a hotel room in another city, away from his family, it will still seem like a good idea. I talked to my mother earlier this evening, and she said Steven had already called a couple of times, saying he was bored (read homesick) and lamenting about the fact that he has to wake up at 4 a.m. tomorrow to start his PT test. I think he said to mom something to the effect of, "Oh well, at least it's only one day." And it's comments like that that make me wonder if he has any idea what the hell he's getting himself into.

I think he kind of thinks being a Marine will be really cool and easy. Like, his friend did it, so it must be easy and he can do it, too. I don't think he has any idea what's coming to him. I don't think he has any idea how difficult it's going to be and how hard he's going to have to work.

Who knows, it may turn out to be the best thing he's ever done. Or, he may get home tomorrow and have changed his mind completely. Again.

What 2009 has in store for me...

2009-01-03T22:43:00.001-06:00

(According to astrology.com)

Year 2009 Career

This year, your great passion for money and success will intensify when you broaden your interests and transform your values. As you explore new ideas, you'll have a greater appreciation of your working environment, and it's likely you'll be expanding your resources and furthering your studies. People appreciate you as a great role model for endlessly working to improve situations without taking unnecessary risks.

In the springtime, you begin manifesting advanced ideas for progressive changes in society. You avoid trivial communication, and transformation occurs as you become aware of other peoples' needs to philosophize about their values. Your climb up the ladder of success is rooted in your positive value system and your ability to transcend old ways of doing things.

You discover new ways to develop your spirituality this year, which will also involve your scientific mind. You come to realize that your passion and talent can easily move in a new direction, bringing with it the success you desire.

Year 2009 Romantic

Through finding more creative ways to express yourself, your love life will blossom as well. This shift helps you become more comfortable with a loving and philosophical relationship, and your connection becomes closer. Your desire to prioritize a love relationship deepens. Although in the past you were proud of your individuality, you're realizing the importance a love relationship beyond just yourself and your immediate family.

As you learn to give yourself to another and have your relationship deepen, it helps you break through any discriminating attitudes toward relationships, and to have more confidence in your process. As you continue to accept yourself and enjoy life, you no longer feel the pressure to perform. The peaceful knowing inherent in your love relationship brings deeper meaning to being together, and the relationship brings you abounding joy.

You have abundant optimism and broad appreciation about your relationship. In the autumn, you may be drawn to marriage, as you begin to really understand and embrace the joy of having someone close to you.

We'll see...

Resolutions

2009-01-01T10:16:00.001-06:00

I’ve never taken New Year’s resolutions very seriously. Now that I have Isaac, I take everything more seriously. But I hope to think of these less as resolutions, which are apt to be cast aside the minute they interfere with the convenience of my life, but more as goals for 2009 and years beyond.

Stop eating fast food.
Eat fewer processed foods. (Maybe in 2010 I’ll be able to eliminate them completely! Or 2011…)
Take more walks.
Run…? (Can you be tentatively resolved about something? If so, that’s what I am about running.)
Spend less money.
Use less stuff.
Be more generous.
Plant a garden.
Be more patient (especially when driving).
Send freelance queries to a couple of national magazines I’ve been eying for the past six months.
Stop being so lazy about it and get Isaac to sleep in his own bed.
Be a really, really good mom.

This is a lot, I think, for a person to put on her plate in one year. Oh, well. I’ve always been the ambitious sort. I’m keeping these on my blog permanently as reminders to myself. Sorry if they annoy you. :)

Why I hate technology. (And dating.)

2008-12-31T21:22:00.003-06:00

Isaac and I stayed home alone tonight, New Year's Eve. By choice. There is absolutely nothing going on that I would rather do than be at home with my Little Man on his first New Year's Eve. He's already asleep, but you'd better believe that, at midnight (provided I last that long) I'm sneaking into his room (oh, who am I kidding... my room) and getting my first kiss of the new year.

I was actually (sort of) asked out on a date (I think) for tonight. A guy I met recently through a friend mentioned dinner and a concert, but he asked me out via text message. Here's how it went down:

Him: What r your New Year plans?

Me: None. Just stay home with the kiddo. Nothing going on.

Him: Ya not much going on here in Tulsa. I may hang at (friend's name).Or i wanted 2 take u 2 dinner and check out Dustin Pittsley.

Me: (Day-long silence.)

I thought about it for a really long time before declining. I think I blamed it on not having a babysitter. But really, the idea of going out on a date still didn't sound as good as staying home with the LM. And, yeah, I'm scared. Dating is awkward and weird and terrifying when you haven't done it in almost three years.

Plus, was I really supposed to interpret his text message as an invitation to a date? I'm sorry, but, to me, that just seems kind of lazy. And I don't think it should be that casual. I mean, yeah, I'm liberal, progressive, a feminist, all that and more, but I still think when a guy asks me out on a date, he should really ask me. Like, call me up or see me in person and say the words, "Would you like to have dinner Friday?" There should at least be some sort of personal communication.

I've been out on one date since I split up with John, and the thing was arranged through Myspace messages. Seriously. I kind of let it slide because the guy did call me three or four times before that and ask me out, but we could never get our schedules synchronized. I started our latest correspondence by sending him a message in response to something I'd seen on his profile, and that led to him asking me to dinner.

But still, my only two prospects as a single woman involved some strange, vapid form of communication where the guy didn't actually have to speak to me. Is a verbal conversation too much to ask for in 2008? Then what does 2009 have in store for me?

I think both of these guys were trying to play it cool and act casual. They probably didn't want to put too much pressure on me or on themselves. And I can understand that. I think that any guy who is thinking about asking out a single mom probably worries that she is more likely to get attached quickly than a woman without a kid because she's looking for a daddy for her squirt or something. I think they should know that I'm way more hesitant now to get involved than I was before Isaac because it's not just me anymore. But, I'm not out looking for someone. And I'm definitely not taking any first dates too seriously. But, if I don't think there's a chance I could have a future with someone, I'm not going to be too eager to go out on any second dates.

I like each of these guys okay. Not enough to make my knees shake or anything (that's what's supposed to happen, right? I don't really remember). Probably not enough to go out on a second (or first) date. I don't think I could like someone who asked me out via text message that much. I think it's just a red flag, warning me that he's definitely not the guy for me.

Anyway, Happy New Year to everyone! Bust making my resolutions now and watching gooey, icky couples on TV who proposed in Times Square tonight talk about their wedding plans. Ugh.

:)

Christmas 2008: A Recap

2008-12-30T09:42:00.016-06:00

For us, it began early Wednesday afternoon. I was "working from home" so I had plenty of time to spend with the LM. We visited my mom's sister, my Aunt Merilee, for a lunch of coneys. Isaac was going to be with John and his family that evening, when we traditionally celebrate with my mom's side, which is now down to my mom and her sister, so I wanted him to have a chance to visit my Aunt Merilee and Uncle Don. Plus, my mom's oldest brother, Kent, and his wife Carol were visiting from Texas, and I hadn't seen them since my grandmother passed away when I was 13. We had a nice visit, and Isaac got to open his first Christmas present, a V-tech talking, singing book from his aunt and uncle. (I had somehow, miraculously, managed to refrain from giving him and of his presents early. It was tough, believe me.)

After we left Merilee and Don's, we went home for a nap and then to Brookside Body Piercing to visit "Aunt Lauren" (a good friend I've known since 2002 who insists she is destined for aunthood, not motherhood) and receive our second gift of the season. Lauren warned me that she bough him a hoodie that looked like something she would wear and tht, if I didn't like it, I could take it back, but I thought the blue and black houndstooth pullover was adorable. Can't wait to see him in it.

Here, he hasn't quite gotten the hang of digging into his gifts, but, by day three (we had four days of Christmas), he knew exactly what to do.

That bag lit up and play music, by the way. It was pretty sweet.

That night, Isaac visited his Nana and Papa Robinson, where he got more gifts and Mommy got a case of diapers, some baby food, a gift certificate to Gardner's and a Jim Shore figurine, all of which she was very grateful for.

(By the way, I love Jim Shore's stuff. I think it is beautiful. I've never much cared about Christmas decorations, other than trees and twinkling lights, and his stuff is the first I've ever wanted to collect. So far, Sandra is the only one who's picked up on that, and she's gotten me figurines for the past two years. I LOVE THEM.)

John came over Thursday morning to watch Isaac receive his stocking from Santa/Mommy and open the beau coups of gifts he had waiting for him under the tree. See?

They're not all for him, and they're not all from me, but a lot of them were both. John brought his gifts over, too, instead of having Isaac open them Christmas Eve, so he had a lot of work to do.

Here is his stocking, pre-filled. My mom made it. It is almost as big as he is. Hell, it may be even bigger. If you'll notice, it's handing from a hook sitting atop the dresser I use as an entertainment center, and it reaches past the fourth drawer. My mother put a lot of pressure on me. I'm the one who has to fill that sucker every year.

It definitely has that ugly, homemade look to it, but I absolutely adore it. We all have stockings this size that my mother has made for us over the years, and they all have their own, special idiosyncrasies. Isaac also had one that my mother keeps at her house that has a big Santa face on it. And the "s" in his name is crooked on that one, too.

This year in his stocking, Santa brought some cool, kid-sized art books from Philbrook, an Ugly Doll, a maraca and some bells and squishy blocks from Target. He loved the musical instruments the best

From his dad he got a V-tech crawling ball and a Shop and Learn shopping cart. From me, he got a wodden cube with activities on all sides, a Melissa and Doug shape sorter and a Plan Toys drum from Lundeby's Eco Baby.

After opening his gifts, he and I went to my parents' house, where he had another stocking and more presents waiting. There, he got more books, some badly-needed pajamas, a toy organizer (not really a box, but shelves with different-sized bins) and another V-tech ball. We went to my uncle's (dad's youngest brother) in west Tulsa and dined on a traditional (read" delicious) Christmas dinner and played a dirty Santa game. I walked away with a bottle of red wine and a box of Hot Tamales, but the wine fell out of my car and smashed on the curb in front of my apartment. Deeming it salvageable in any way (although I definitely thought about how I could possibly sop the wine up from the cement), I picked up the glass and threw it away. What a dirty trick Santa played on me. I blame him.

Friday night, I took the LM for a short road trip to Stillwater, where we visited UTW's cinema editor Cory, his wife Stephanie and their precious baby girl Kaia for yet another delicious meal, consisting mainly of meat (that's definitely not a complaint).

Kaia and Isaac exchanged gifts (here's where Isaac started to get the hang of it. He went straight for the bag, tipped it over toward him, and started to pull the tissue paper out), and their mommies planned their future arranged marriage. Seriously, it would be like joining the two cutest babies on the planet. I'm pretty sure that's what they call a match made in heaven.

Isaac was pretty jealous that Kaia, being the older, wiser, more mature woman she is, can already crawl and he can't, but, luckily, her gift to him was an inflatable thing (? not sure the word) with balls inside that is supposed to encourage crawling. Yippee! Next time they meet, he can chase her sound the living room.

Really. Tell me these aren't the two most adorable babies you've ever seen. Kaia's the only kid I've seen with eyes bigger and bluer than LM's. You could get lost in them.

Isaac made lots of new friends that night. Not surprisingly, they were all women. He kind of has a way of stealing your heart.

Christmas concluded Saturday night when my BF Chalyn and her hubby Chris dropped by with more gifts, which included a ball popper thing for I-Man. You drop the balls in, they follow a maze down a tube, and then pop out of the contraption without warning, At least, that's what the box says they do. I was one D battery short of getting the thing to work, so Isaac just tried to eat the balls. There are five. Someone remind me of that when I think I've lost one. Or all of them.

I'm not sure Christmas could have been any better. The absolute best part was the time I had to spend with LM. Five days in a row! I Should work from home more often. I think Isaac enjoyed the time, too; it was hard for both of us when I went back to work Monday. For the first time, Isaac cried when I left him. Cried and reached for me and pretty much broke my heart. I'm thinking it's about time to put one of my harebrained schemes into action so I can work for myself and have more time with my LM.

I hope everyone else has a merry a Christmas as we did. I'm already looking forward to next year (but still hoping time doesn't go by too quickly).

The Tissue Paper Fiasco

2008-12-29T16:36:00.005-06:00

I could probably post for weeks about Christmas, boring you with every little detail (and don't think I won't), and so I'll probably have to post in increments. The first is this, an event that will go down in Christmas Day infamy. It was early Christmas morning. John was over to watch Isaac empty the contents of a stocking that was almost larger than he is and unwrap his various other ifts. While opening a Melissa and Doug shape sorter (from Mom), the trouble began. Somehow, Isaac became entangled in the tissue paper. I think it started out as a game, but ended... well, see...

Little Man discovers what tissue paper tastes like. The consensus: not good.

Eek! Now he can't get it out of his mouth!

What a bad mommy am I. Not only did I give the gift that attacked, but, instead of rushing to the aid of my poor, helpless baby, I laughed and took pictures.

Sorry, baby. I hope this doesn't scar you for life.

Looks like you escaped unscathed. Thank goodness. And Merry Christmas.

A Teaser

2008-12-29T16:29:00.000-06:00

Still getting photos ready to do a post-Christmas post. Until then, this...

I'm it

2008-12-22T11:02:00.002-06:00

Shelly tagged me. What a fantastic way to avoid being productive on a Monday morning.

8 TV shows I watch.
1. The news
2. House
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Law and Order SVU
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Brothers and Sisters
7. Wheel of Fortune
8. Friends reruns
(These are all, of course, completely dependent on whether or not Isaac thinks Mommy should be watching TV. And, what time he goes to bed on a given night.)

8 Favorite Restaurants
1. In the Raw
2. Fuji (Yeah, I like sushi. A lot.)
3. Elote
4. Dalesandro's
5. The Brook
6. El Maguey (Delicioso Mexican cuisine in Sand Springs)
7. Steak Stuffers

8 things that happened today
1. Isaac peed in the bed. My bed. Again.
2. Drank two cans of Diet Pepsi.
3. Got to work after 8:30 (which happens every day I have to go to work).
4. Pumped (not enough, ugh).
5. Worked on a Sudoku puzzle I started last week. At work.
6. Finished my Arts Experienced column.
7. Debated whether or not portions of my Arts Experienced column were too harsh.
8. Heard some juicy gossip.

8 things I look forward to:
1. Picking Isaac up from my parents' house.
2. Christmas!!
3. Traditional Christmas dinner (the potluck Mexican feast my uncle's girlfriend proposed is nixed, thank goodness).
4. Getting some sleep (hopefully).
5. Warmer weather in the coming days.
6. A girls' night with friends I haven't seen in too long.
7. Getting paid Friday.
8. Losing the rest of my baby weight (assuming that, someday, it will happen).

8 things I wish for:
1. Good health for my family.
2. For Isaac to be a kind, thoughtful, sincere young man.
3. For me to be a good mother.
4. For me to always keep my priorities straight, only worry about the things that matter and let go of the things that don't.
5. For my family's business to be successful (not stressful).
6. For there to be no child abuse or neglect and for all children who are born to have good, loving homes.
7. For Isaac and me to find a church home.
8. For me to lose the rest of my baby weight. :)

Isaac hits the bottle

2008-12-18T11:43:00.008-06:00

Here, Isaac's halfhearted attempt at self-sufficiency. He's held his own bottle before, but is was a skinner bottle that I guess fit better in his tiny, baby hands. And he was reclining. And he's mastered the art of getting the sippy cup to his mouth, but he has yet to figure out how to get the water out.

A couple of nights ago, after Little Man downed an entire jar of organic carrots (no, I didn't puree these myself. Gerber provided), I let him have a drink of water. But, I thought, maybe it's time for LM to grow up a bit and learn how to hold the bottle on his own. That didn't quite work out the way I intended, but it sure was fun to watch.

Now, which end of this is up? It's not marked...

It's a little slippery in my carrot puree-covered hands.

Now, how to get that pesky nipple in my mouth?

Just look at how focused he is.

Remember, he's just eaten an entire jar of carrots. Even after the bath that followed, his cheeks still had an orange tint to them.

Getting closer...

Yes! I did it! Mission (semi-) accomplished. He never did get the end of the bottle high enough into the air to get any of the water our of it.

Doh! Foiled again!

O Tannenbaum

2008-12-17T09:39:00.005-06:00

That's me, brushing up on my German for our impending trip. Although, our trip likely won't be for at least another year, and, even then, we'll probably go during the spring or summer when the word "Christmas tree" (or the song, for that matter) won't really do me much good. Still, it's always nice to get into the Christmas spirit and also exercise your tongue in a foreign language at the same time. That, and about all I can remember these days from my high school German class are the Christmas carols and a few catch phrases (Gunter ist mein Freund. Ich wohne gleich um die Ecke.) I'm pretty sure I could still make a mean Muesli, too. But these days, you can buy that stuff in a box on the cereal aisle.

Anyway, back to the point: Christmas. You know how I said I didn't want the season to escape me too quickly, how I wanted to be able to enjoy and savor every moment? Well, what I should have said was, "FAT CHANCE!" Christmas is next week! Yeah, the shopping's done, the presents are wrapped, the stockings are hung with care, but I still feel like I need more time to enjoy the giddy, before-Christmas anticipation. Because, after next week, it's all over, folks. (Too bad this arctic air won't leave with it.)

Last weekend Isaac visited the Santa that sets up shop in Utica Square. And I've made it to a few of my favorite holiday shows. I saw the naughty holiday cabaret at Nightingale (hilarious, my friends) and on Sunday I'll see Tulsa Ballet's The Nutcracker.

I think I'd like to take Isaac back to Rhema one more time before Christmas, and then on Wednesday evening he'll be with John and with me and the entire Wall clan on Christmas day. I'm excited, but I'm also excitedly willing time to slow down just a bit.

Here is our Tannenbaum. This was actually meant to be a practice shot before I made my dad take about 30 pictures of us (one of which will end up in the Christmas cards I have to send out TODAY), but I figured it was a nice enough representation of our tree to post it here. This is our first white tree, although I've wanted one for a couple of years. I found some super groovy Christmas ornaments and a blinking LED peace sign tree topper online at Urban Outfitters (and on sale!) that I'll probably get for next year.

This is Isaac's first ornament. I struggled (well, maybe "struggled" isn't the right word. I "debated") with whether or not to get the cute but generic "Baby's First Christmas" ornament or this one. In the end, I decided on this one. When Isaac was a newborn, until he was about two months old, he used to thrust his arms into the air, his fists clenched, like he was soaring through the clouds a la Superman.

See?
We called him "Superbaby." We still do, sometimes, just for fun. And because he is pretty super.

Here is one version of the photo that will eventually end up in our Christmas cards. Sorry to spoil the surprise for those of you who will be receiving one of said cards. Merry Christmas, anyway!

This time, it's personal

2008-12-15T13:45:00.002-06:00

Until I started working at Urban Tulsa and had actual health insurance, I was a client at Planned Parenthood for years. Years and years. I had all of my annual exams there and picked up my birth control there. The first year I went to Planned Parenthood, my exams and birth control were all free because of my low income and student status. In three years, my exams went up to $90 each and my birth control cost me $30 a month. My income stayed the same.

The prices went up because the state and federal governments started messing with PP's funding, making it more expensive for the low-income families who need the agency's services to afford them. I was extremely lucky I could afford $30 a month for birth control and $90 once a year for an exam to ensure my health. Many of the women who need PP's services the most cannot afford them now. And while I think PP Tulsa recently received a grant that enabled it to lower its costs, what anti-choice activists are proposing is a travesty to women's health.

Abortion-related services make up only three percent of the services Planned Parenthood offers to low-income women and families. Three percent. The majority of the services PP offers come in the form of providing contraception, STD testing and pre-natal services. For anti-choice activists to wage war on low-income women in the name of politics is disgusting and despicable. Without an agency like Planned Parenthood, there would likely countless more unwanted pregnancies resulting in countless more unwanted abortions. I have yet to hear of any Christian agency offering these same types of services to women and families.

Seriously. It just infuriates me. It makes me sick.

Source: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122887146479593419.html

WALL STREET JOURNAL

DECEMBER 11, 2008

Abortion Foes Open a New Front

Abortion opponents are pressing state and local governments to stop sending
taxpayer dollars to Planned Parenthood, arguing that the nonprofit group has
plenty of cash and shouldn't be granted scarce public funds at a time of
economic crisis.

Planned Parenthood receives about $335 million a year -- a third of its
budget -- from government grants and contracts to subsidize contraception,
sex education and non-abortion-related health care for poor women and
teenagers.

The group is also the nation's largest abortion provider, and critics have
long argued that the public funds indirectly subsidize abortions by keeping
hundreds of Planned Parenthood clinics afloat.

But the new lobbying effort, backed by conservative Christian groups such as
the Family Research Council, focuses more on economic than moral concerns.
The campaign paints Planned Parenthood as a wealthy organization that
doesn't need taxpayer help. Planned Parenthood reported record revenue and a
$115 million budget surplus last year, and it is building a network of
elegant health centers to attract middle-class clients.

"The money needs to go to local organizations that actually need it and
don't have the backing of a multimillion-dollar organization," says Scott
Tibbs, an antiabortion activist in Bloomington, Ind.

Planned Parenthood responds that its health-care services fill a critical
need, especially now, when so many people are losing their jobs -- and their
health insurance.

A new effort by abortion opponents to pressure Planned Parenthood relies on
lobbying based on economic concerns, rather than demonstrations.
Past reductions in government funding have forced local chapters to close
clinics, raise fees and cut back on subsidized contraception, which Planned
Parenthood's president, Cecile Richards, described as "a lifeline for
millions of people."

In recent weeks, Planned Parenthood chapters have lost public funds in two
states as elected officials juggled tight budgets.

Fulton County, Ga., which includes Atlanta, canceled a $420,000 contract as
part of statewide cuts in health care.

Sarasota County, Fla., ended years of subsidizing Planned Parenthood's
sex-education programs with annual grants of as much as $30,000.

"It had nothing to do with Planned Parenthood's mission," said Paul Mercier,
who recently retired as a county commissioner. "It had everything to do with
them not needing the funding."

The Family Research Council is developing a kit to help grass-roots
activists dig through financial reports so they can make detailed
presentations to elected officials about the assets and revenue of local
Planned Parenthood chapters. The council has sent letters to 1,200 state
legislators describing Planned Parenthood's strong financial position and
urging "a second look" at public funding.

With a Democratic president soon to take office, "we're very limited as to
what we can do" on a federal level, said Thomas McClusky, vice president for
government affairs at the Family Research Council. "But on the local level,
there are a lot of victories to be had." The group has been courting elected
officials who they think would be receptive in states including Indiana,
Ohio, Virginia and Kentucky.

Regional executives of Planned Parenthood say the campaign misleads
legislators about the state of the nonprofit's finances. The chapter in
Sarasota, for instance, is wrapping up a $12 million fund-raising drive to
build a new flagship building and three clinics.

"Our audits look pretty fat and they've used that against us," said Barbara
Zdravecky, chief executive of the chapter, which covers southwest and
central Florida. But operating revenue is down, Ms. Zdravecky said, and the
chapter is running at a deficit.

She and others argue that cutting Planned Parenthood funding is
short-sighted and will cost taxpayers more in the long run if low-income
women can't get services such as birth control or cancer screenings.

That argument has succeeded in some places. Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine, who has
said he opposes abortion but doesn't want to ban it, has vowed to hold firm
against cutting Planned Parenthood's funds.

Write to Stephanie Simon at stephanie.simon@wsj.com

Three teeth in one weekend!

2008-12-14T20:28:00.003-06:00

My mother has been telling me for almost two weeks that she thinks Isaac is getting one of his top teeth. I'd never seen or felt anything. Until yesterday. He finished nursing, and he was laying across my lap. I was tickling and playing with him, and when he opened his mouth to laugh, I noticed something white in his top gums. His top right incisor has started to come in! I noticed later yesterday evening that the other top incisor is coming in, too. It's just barely broken skin, not too far behind the other one. That means he's getting three teeth all at once right now, and still no change in attitude or behavior. I think it's so weird. It's going to be even weirder when his adorable grin is punctuated by four equally adorable teeth. Oh, a side note: It appears as though the second bottom tooth coming in is coming in a little crooked.

Welcome to Isaac's mouth, Tooth Number Two

2008-12-10T16:18:00.002-06:00

Mom called earlier to inform me his other bottom incisor had just broken skin. I thought I had seen something white in his mouth last night, next to the tooth that is already there, but every time I'd try to stick my finger in his mouth and feel his gums, he'd get really, really irritated. Guess now I know why.

Gosh, I just can't imagine that in a few months Isaac will have a mouth full of teeth. It's weird. I'm going to miss his sweet, toothless grin, that's for sure. I'm very surprised and proud he's taken the teething thing so well thus far. When the first one came in, there was a bit of fever and crankiness, but nothing major. With this one, I wouldn't have known he was teething at all if I hadn't seen that clue, the glimmering white speck in his mouth. Isaac, you're being a real man about this whole teething thing. We're proud of you. But remember, it's okay to let your feelings show once in a while.

Dallas or Bust... And we survived!

2008-12-10T11:07:00.005-06:00

Isaac and Mommy survived our first road trip together, a five-hour jaunt to Dallas last weekend to see my friend Gina and do some shopping at Urban Outfitters. My mom came along for the trip as well and proved invaluable. I might have been able to do it by myself, but it would have been harder and taken longer and I'd probably have decided, by the end of the trip, never to do it again. As it is, I will probably do it again, but not anytime soon. I think our next trip may be a flight to Portland in the spring or summer to see Ginger and revisit a city I fell madly in love with last time I was there. Depending on how that goes, I can gauge Isaac's (and my) readiness for a trip to Germany to meet his girlfriend Leni.

Here, documentation of our trip:

Isaac, rarin' to go. Mommy dressed him in his jammies in hopes he would sleep the whole way. Except for the first two hours, he did.

Isaac and Leland, Gina's hubby and I-Man's babysitter for the day. All in all, Leland did a pretty great job. He was mostly relieved at not having to change any dirty diapers. Isaac waited until Mommy got home for that. Maybe he sensed that Leland couldn't handle it.

Leland and Isaac showing Mommy what they did all day.

Gina and Leland practicing. They're only three years away from having their own, if they stick to their timeline! (I like to remind her of this. Often.)

Best buds, reunited. In Mesquite, Texas.

Isaac ready for the long trip home. I put the toy next to him, thinking he might like to play with it a bit as we drove. Instead, he slept the entire way through Texas and most of the way through Oklahoma.

Pit stop in Durant. Isaac in good spirits. He'd just had the first of two very long naps. In Durant, Isaac got a bottle and some fresh air out of the car seat while grandma went into Big Lots and Mommy chowed down on McDonald's fries and nuggets for what she hopes will be the last time.

Okay, this one has nothing to do with the trip. It's just adorable. Isaac always crosses his feet like this. Always. When he's in the car seat, when he's sitting up and playing, even when he's sleeping.

Book Signing

2008-12-08T13:31:00.000-06:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Local Author Releases Children’s Book about Living with Autism

Local author and autism advocate Adonya Wong invites the public to a pre-release signing of her new book In My Mind: The World through the Eyes of Autism at 2 p.m. on Sat., Dec. 13 at The Collective, 3148 E. 11th St.

In My Mind is a full-color book, illustrated by Benton Rudd, depicting the world as seen through the eyes of a young boy with autism—a world no one else can see. From exciting adventures to silly games and conversations with friends, look closely and see how a child with autism sees the world… and how the world sees him. The book is inspired by Wong’s son Nicholas, who is autistic.

The book isn’t about defining autism by her own experience, Wong says. “The book is more my way of trying to ‘explain,’ in an adventurous way, a few of the things my son, and others with autism, do. It’s my perception of how a child with autism sees the world, and, in turn, how the world sees him,” says Wong.

“I wrote In My Mind because I felt that there weren’t enough books that children on the spectrum could identify with,” she says.

Though the book is meant for children, it also poignantly reaches adults, inspiring them to examine their own preconceptions about people with developmental and other disabilities. The book teaches both children and adults to see the world through the eyes of others who may be different than they are, eliciting compassion, tolerance and patience from the reader.

Wong will sign copies of her book, available for purchase at the event, from 2 to 4 p.m. During that time, Wong will award a free, signed copy of In My Mind to the lucky winner of a raffle.

Portions of the proceeds from the sale of the book will benefit the Tulsa Autism Foundation, a non-profit organization whose mission is to meet the needs of individuals and families affected by autism and related neurological disorders. The Tulsa Autism Foundation provides programming such as community awareness and outreach, early screening and intervention, parent and professional information and training and family support.

Wong says she chose to donate proceeds from her book to the Tulsa Autism Foundation because “it is Tulsa’s only extensive source of information on autism.”

“Donating a portion of my proceeds to TAF means I’m helping our community… one dollar at a time,” says Wong.

In My Mind is published by Tate Publishing, a Christian-based, family-owned publishing organization with a mission to discover and market new and unknown authors. The book will officially be released in January 2009.

Wong is a veteran of the United States Navy, having served in Iceland and Maryland. After being honorably discharged in 1991, she served with the California Air National Guard for four years. When she is not writing, Wong home schools her son and heads the Tulsa-based nonprofit she founded, M.O.C.H.A. (Mothers of Color for Holistic Alternatives). Wong also enjoys spending time with her family and friends, traveling, watching classic movies and curling up with a good book.

For more information about her book and this event, visit www.throughtheeyesofautism.com or E-mail Adonya@throughtheeyesofautism.com.

His First Word

2008-12-04T10:47:00.002-06:00

Isaac says "Dada" all the time. It started about two days ago, much like it did when I was sure he was going to say "Mama." He started babbling "Dadadadadada.." Then he looked straight at me and said "Dada."

I said, "No, I'm Mama."

"Dada," he said again. And he's been saying it ever since. Morning, noon and night, he says "Dada" over and over again.

John's excited, to say the least.

Now, how to get those tricky "Ms" to come out of his mouth...?

In the holiday mood

2008-12-01T09:50:00.007-06:00

I-Man and I had a really great weekend. Thursday with the fam was a lot of fun--probably more fun than I anticipated it being. Isaac was very patient with all the new, strange family members who wanted to take their turns holding and coddling him. On Friday, he spent some time with his dad while my mom and I bought and set up a new tree--a white one, which I have been wanting for a couple of years now. We also visited the Philbrook gift shop, where I got the absolute coolest stocking stuffers for my little man. Don't tell him... they're board books that incorporate famous works of art in stories for kids. I bought three. Couldn't help myself.

Isaac loves our tree. He loves the lights and the shiny glass ornaments. I love that it's pre-lit. :) Growing up, it was tradition for our family to decorate our tree the evening after Thanksgiving. I want to start that same tradition with Isaac.

Friday night, Mom, Dad, Uncle Stinky (that's what I-Man calls Brother) and Isaac and I went to see the lights at Rhema. Isaac was pretty excited by those, too. He was kind of in a trance. As we were making our way to the gazebo to get Isaac's picture taken with Santa, he fell asleep. Maybe it wasn't the lights that were putting him in a trance but sheer exhaustion. Either way, we had a good time.

Here, more examples of Isaac's impeccable cuteness. These don't have much to do with Christmas, but I don't care. Enjoy them anyway.

I'm so worried that the holidays are going to fly by and I'm not going to enjoy them as much as I should. They tend to fly by anyway, but combining that with our busy schedules, me working too much, trying to spend as much time as possible with I-Man just makes me think that, if I'm not careful, they could slip by so quickly that I don't have time to enjoy them. I refuse to get stressed out this year. I've already got about half of my Christmas shopping done, and I've spent the last couple of evenings, after Isaac goes to sleep, wrapping my gifts with recycled brown butcher paper and reusable Better Bags from Whole Foods. I found a couple of recipes for milk-based paint online, so I think, after the holidays, Isaac and I will fingerpaint our wrapping paper. I've needed artwork to hang on my walls since I moved into this new place, and I'm going to get it! :)

What I'm thankful for...

2008-11-28T09:59:00.003-06:00

I could not be more thrilled that today is Thanksgiving.

Practicing what I'm going to do later today with a big 'ol turkey leg.

Sharpening my tooth. Ready!

My Thanksgiving day attire. Yes, my mom dresses me in sweater vests. We both happen to think I look very handsome. I dare you to tell her otherwise.

Let the feast begin! (Okay, so yeah, his bib is dirty. Didn't realize that when I packed it. Whoops.)

Um, mom? Pretty sure this is not turkey. Or gravy. Or anything rich and delicious.

Isaac's Thanksgiving meal and momma's Thanksgiving meal. One of us felt a little cheated.

Not so sure about these peas.

Ready for my Thanksgiving Day nap. Good thing Grandpa's here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tidbits

2008-11-25T21:27:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Isaac turned 7 months. Today, he officially found his wee wee. He's grabbed it before when I've changed his diaper, but I think it was mostly an accident and he didn't really realize what he was grabbing. Tonight, he spent his entire bath playing with it. With both hands. And staring intently. He'll probably never forgive me for announcing this to the world.

Sometimes I think Isaac looks like a little old man. I think it has something to do with his bald head, toothless grin and the way I sometimes dress him (again, sorry Little Man). I've thought this a couple of times when he's been asleep next to me or nursing, but I really thought it tonight. I saw him from afar for the first time in a long time. My parents beat me to my apartment, and my mom was standing outside their car holding him, and he just reminded me so much of a little, tiny old man in her arms. I don't know why. That's probably pretty weird.

This morning I woke up with Isaac next to me and saw that he had kicked off, not only his socks, but also his pajama pants. The socks weren't a surprise, but it was pretty funny to see his skinny little legs and diapered bottom without any pants on when I woke up. Luckily, our apartment stays pretty warm.

John and Isaac and I participated in StoryCorps on Sunday. It was fun to relive Isaac's birth day and to share it with John. I definitely felt, the entire time, we were doing it for Isaac. It didn't really make me feel any closer to John. I didn't expect it to. I actually didn't have any expectations about how it would or would not affect my relationship with John or the way we see one another. I guess that's why it stood out to me that it did not make me want to be with John or rekindle our relationship. I don't feel close to him. And, in a way, talking about that day and the days and weeks following Isaac's birth just reminded me of how distant we were, even then.

What was really nice about the 40 minutes we spent talking, though, was that they were 40 totally honest minutes. I asked John questions about that day, how he felt, what he was thinking, and he answered more honestly and more thoughtfully, I think, than he would have had we not been locked inside that Airstream trailer. In turn, I shared with him my recollections of the day. At about 30 minutes, we started to run out of steam, and the facilitator who was recording our conversation began to ask us questions, which was nice because his questions prompted us to talk about things we wouldn't otherwise. John admitted how unprepared he was for fatherhood, how much harder it was than he thought it would be. He said he thought parenting would come naturally to him, but it didn't. I was afraid it wouldn't come naturally to me, but it did. It definitely wasn't easy, but it did come to me.

I don't think I'll listen to the recording for a while. I'm just going to slip it into Isaac's baby book and leave it there for a few years. And, unfortunately, I don't really see John and I having another conversation like that for a long time, if ever. But I'm glad we had it and that Isaac will have the opportunity to hear his parents' recollections of the day he was born, their fears at the time, their hopes for the future. And he'll be able to hear himself, too, laughing and talking, whining and making smacking sounds with his mouth. I think that could be as cool as anything else.

Isaac Swings

2008-11-19T13:06:00.003-06:00

At Zink Park with our friends Jenny and Lillian. Obviously, my mother is too single-minded to take any pictures of my friends.

Isaac Computes

2008-11-19T12:58:00.003-06:00

Hmmm... wonder if I can pry any of these keys off and get them into my mouth?

He's writing my Arts Experienced column. He's really Max Clark. He just didn't want you to know because he thought, if you did, you might not take him seriously as a journalist.

All right, you caught me.

Back to work. I'm on a deadline!

500 words on: Why I Need to Marry a Doctor

2008-11-18T16:12:00.001-06:00

It’s not about money, really. I mean, money would be nice, but I’ve pretty much relinquished myself to the fact that I’ll never have any. Or I’ll never have much. Hell, even if I were to find a doctor who wanted to marry me, I’d probably fall for the guy practicing for free in some sorely underserved part of the city, rather than a brain surgeon making hundreds of dollars and hour (or however much brain surgeons make. I obviously don’t, and probably never will, know).

No, I want to marry a doctor because I absolutely despise going to the doctor. To me, it’s just a hassle. And right now, since my insurance doesn’t kick in for another two months, it’s an expensive hassle. But even when I had insurance, other than during my pregnancy when I obsessed about going to the doctor and probably went more often than I should just to make sure everything was okay in there, I still made visiting the doctor a last resort option.

It’s so much easier to Google my symptoms and self-diagnose. I realize this is probably not healthy, especially for someone who may have inherited a bit of her mother’s hypochondria. (Mother is, incidentally, the one who taught me to self-diagnose. She introduced me to many a home medical volume, which she and I would both use to discover we have twelve types of cancer and various other fatal ailments.)

When I am actually sick, which is much less often than I think I am sick, I find I’d rather let the sickness run its natural course rather than attempt to stifle it with any medication stronger than Advil Cold and Flu or vitamin C. It’s a lot easier than making the trip to the doctor, who’s just going to hand me something only a bit stronger and tell me to let it run its course.

But were I married to a doctor, or had a close friend or family member who happened to be a doctor, I could call on a whim and either verify a self-diagnosis or actually receive some sort of consultation/appointment/treatment without having to expose myself to any situations I find annoying, inconvenient or outright intolerable. And, I wouldn’t have to worry about payment!

Yes, I could use a doctor husband right about now. Earlier, when I was pumping, I felt a hard knot in my right breast. I can still feel it, actually. I’ve never felt it before, and it’s likely just a clogged duct, but it sure would be nice to find out for sure. I may have to fork over some dough for this one. Unless anyone reading this happens to be a doctor and is not completely weirded out by my need for a breast exam? I promise you don’t have to marry me. Unless you want to.

(P.S. In case you're wondering if I'm a bad mother who doesn't take Isaac to the doctor, I'm not. Completely different situation there. I take much better care of him than I do of myself.)

Oh, Brother

2008-11-18T15:53:00.002-06:00

“Guess what? I want to go to culinary school. I’m going to be a chef,” my brother announced yesterday as he proudly stirred a pan of ground chuck, dehydrated potatoes and powered “spices.”

I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him. It was his first attempt at cooking something that wasn’t nuke-able. And he did attempt to dress up the Hamburger Helper beef stroganoff with some Italian seasoning and salt and pepper.

For the past year and a half, Steven has talked about nothing but going into the military, being a soldier and a chaplain. Although I could never really picture him as a soldier or a chaplain, and although I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of him enlisting in the military and (probably) being carted off to war, I thought maybe the military would teach him some self-discipline—or some discipline in any form—and I tried to be supportive and not remind him that he’s overweight and has a major problem respecting authority—both qualities upon which the Army tends to frown.

But he told me last night, as he attempted to prevent his culinary masterpiece from scorching, that since the country elected Barack Obama the next president of the United States, he no longer had any desire to enter the military and would instead attend Tulsa Tech as a culinary student. He was inspired, he said, in part, by me. The last time I was at my parents’ house, I left the TV on the Food Network and Steven, unable to locate the remote, watched Iron Chef America for hours and decided he wants to be the next Bobby Flay.

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to encourage Brother’s new ambition. It’s a realistic one, for once (unlike the month he decided he wanted to be a professional wrestler). Everything he needs to know in order to succeed, he can learn. Although he’s never been a particularly good student (in fact, he’s failed miserably more than a few times, less out of an inability to learn and more out of sheer laziness), I know that, when the subject matter consists of something he actually enjoys or cares a little bit about, he can do very, very well.

I decided, rather than to subject myself to a meal of purely processed food, I’d go ahead and whip up a salad to go along. (My brother, the “future culinary student,” I should mention, is probably the least adventurous eater I know and has, since he was a child, refused to indulge in any kid of vegetable, specifically the green kind.) I was chopping a red bell pepper I found in the fridge, and Steven asked what kind of pepper it was. It kind of shocked me that he didn’t recognize a bell pepper, and I had to remind myself that, growing up, my parents rarely served us fresh vegetables and, even if they had, Steven probably wouldn’t have eaten them.

He asked me if those are the kinds of peppers in Louisiana Hot Sauce, and I said, “Probably not. Bell peppers are sweet,” and, with that, offered him a slice to try. He sort of made a face, shook his head and said, “No thanks.”

Here is where I start to see Brother’s visions of becoming a chef somewhat unrealistic.

“Steven,” I said (admonished), “if you’re going to be a chef, you’re going to have to know what food tastes like. They’re going to offer you stranger things than bell peppers in culinary school.”

Somewhat reluctantly, he took the bell pepper, snapped off one bite, and handed it back to me. He said he didn’t think it had much flavor. I told him that was probably because he’s not used to eating fresh, unsalted, unprocessed food. He tends to limit his diet to that which comes from a box or can.

Moments like these remind me of how different Brother and I are. It’s almost as if we were raised in different homes. I’m not really sure how he became the way he is and I became the way I am. I’m definitely more self-sufficient, but I don’t think our parents forced me to be that way and not him.

When I was 10, I decided I didn’t like the way my mother folded my laundry. She left too many wrinkles. You know how some check-out clerks at department stores will wad your clothes up into a ball and stuff them in a bag instead of folding them neatly? That’s kind of how my mother does laundry. I tried to show her how I like my laundry folded, and she told me if I didn’t like the way she did things, I could do my own laundry. So I did. And I have ever since. I don’t think, even at 19, my brother does his own laundry.

I started cooking for myself my freshman year of HS (maybe even before that?) because I converted to veganism. A couple of years later, when I started eating meat, I still cooked for myself and, sometimes, for the rest of the family, because I had discovered fresh foods and would not longer put up with the thinking that canned corn constituted a vegetable. Last night was the first time, in my memory, Steven has cooked anything besides Ramen.

Still, I believe, if he’ll just open his mind a bit and be receptive to experiencing new things, he’ll make a good culinary student and maybe even a good chef someday. I would love to see him succeed, not because success happened upon him (which I think, more often than not, is the case with him), but because he found something he wants to do and is good at and worked hard. Really, really hard. It would do him good to have to work for something, to have to do a few things on his own.

And yes, I’ll admit, Hamburger Helper tastes much better with a pinch of Italian seasoning.

A (Very Funny) Means to Explore

2008-11-17T14:33:00.002-06:00

Isaac’s new favorite past time, as of the last two or three weeks, is grabbing and squeezing the various features of my face. His little hands (and very sharp fingernails, no matter how short I clip them!) will grab onto my nose, my cheeks, my chin, sometimes even my forehead and squeeze so hard that it hurts. He finds this hilarious. He doesn’t limit this activity to my face; if you get an opportunity to hold him for very long, chances are he’ll get hold of your nose. Yesterday John popped in for a bit, and Isaac was especially interested in playing with his chin, which, unlike mommy’s, is covered in hair.

When he grabs my face, it sort of hurts, but it also makes me laugh, which I think just encourages him to do it again and again. I sort of keep waiting for the moment he'll poke me in the eye, though.

Most nights, Isaac ends up in bed with me. Sometimes he’ll start sleeping in his bed, and I’ll move him to mine when I hear him cry in the night. Other times, out of pure exhaustion, I’ll lie with him in my bed and nurse him to sleep. Every morning, though, it’s his little fingers grabbing onto my nose and cheeks that wakes me up.

I remember when Isaac was born, he had bright red welts on both cheeks, which, we discovered, he inflicted upon himself by grabbing and squeezing his own cheeks. He would grip his cheeks so tightly that it was sometimes difficult for John and me to pry his fingers from his face. I can’t really remember when he stopped doing that. I think it was probably before we left the hospital, because I don’t really remember him doing it much at home. Then, I guess it was some kind of reflex. Now it seems to be a mode of exploration.

Isaac + Carrots = Yum!

2008-11-16T20:37:00.003-06:00

Isaac eats! The other day, I broke down and bought some organic jarred baby food and some organic rice cereal. I thought I might compare the jarred stuff to my homemade sweet potatoes and, if all else fails, break down and give cereal a shot. I gave Isaac some carrots for the first time yesterday morning, and he actually seemed to like them! He ate about a third of the jar, and he finished it this morning and evening. I think, at first, he was a little put of by the texture and consistency of the carrots, and I noticed that, while my sweet potatoes were as runny as his commercial carrots, they weren't quite as smooth. (I was happy to find, though, that they did actually taste like carrots.)

I think I've figured out that the trick to getting Isaac to eat is to feed him while I'm eating as well. I started introducing solids in the first place because of his interest in what was on my plate, and tonight I discovered that putting his food on my plate, next to my salmon and rice, made him my more amenable to eating them. I didn't have to cajole the carrots into his mouth--quite the opposite! If I took too many bites of my own food without giving him one of his, his little hand would reach out to grab my arm or, if it happened to be within his reach, something off my plate. Every time I directed the spoon toward his mouth, he opened it wide and swallowed his mush without spitting any of it out!

Okay, so I know not everyone (or anyone) will find this as exciting as I do, but that's okay, I don't expect you to. Perhaps I should have titled this post "Only read if EXTREMELY bored!" :)

On a side note, Isaac bit me with his new tooth tonight while he was nursing. It still hurts! I tried to remember what Dr. Sears says to do when this happens, but I was so startled and distracted that I couldn't do anything but yelp. We're going to have to put a stop to that before I-Man gets any more teeth.

A fit of giggles

2008-11-13T11:20:00.005-06:00

Last night, after my parents dropped Isaac off, I was changing out of my work clothes, Isaac propped up on some pillows on my bed. He sneezed, and I said, "bless you," which, for some unknown reason, incited a fit of giggles from my Little Man. I said "bless you" again, and he cracked up again. He was laughing so hard that it made me laugh, and as soon as our laughter died down, I'd say "bless you" again, and he'd start cracking up all over again. It was the funniest/cutest/weirdest thing I've seen. We did this for about 20 minutes, just cracking each other up every time I said "bless you."

See for yourself.

Have I lost my touch?

2008-11-12T13:09:00.002-06:00

I'm afraid I've become one of those frumpy moms who used to be attractive until she had a baby and let herself go. My hair is rarely not tied back in a ponytail, I hardly wear makeup and, when I do, I've rubbed it off by the middle of the day and my clothes, besides being three sizes bigger than I'd like them to be, seem to have the affect of making me feel the complete opposite of sexy.

Please, no comments reassuring me that I really do look great for just having had a baby. I'm really not fishing for compliments here. I just feel like I have no time or energy to devote to myself and my appearance. Yesterday, I had to take Isaac to the doctor at 10 a.m., so I had three hours to get ready in the morning when I usually have about 30 minutes. I ended up feeling pretty good about myself yesterday because I actually had the time to take a shower AND fix my hair. Usually, it's one or the other. And then I look back at pictures of myself pre-Isaac and think, "Wow. I wish I still looked like that." I wish I still had the time to look like that. I wish I weighed what I did then. Or maybe I just wish I still had the confidence I did back then.

I would say that perhaps I'm thinking about this now because I'm concerned that, someday, when I'm ready to attract another man, I won't be able to. But I think I was worried about it even when I was with John. I remember one night, toward the end of my pregnancy, I half-casually, half-jokingly, half-desperate for reassurance, asked John if he would still think I was sexy even after I had his baby. Instead of the "Yes, I'll always think you're sexy and beautiful no matter what" I had hoped for, he replied, "If you lose all the weight."

I was heartbroken. And I probably should have dumped him then. But I really did think that I would care enough about myself to keep up with my appearance even after I had Isaac. I didn't want to become the frumpy mother who never recovered from infancy. It's hard, though, to find time for myself when my whole life revolves around I-Man. It was hard when I was with John, and it's even harder now that I'm doing this alone. I thought cutting my hair would make daily beauty maintenance easier, but now I find that I just miss my long hair and it was one more thing that used to make me feel beautiful that I no longer have.

I'm not really sure how to resolve this. Maybe to attempt, in any way possible, to do things that make me feel good about me?? To get a pedicure once in a while, even though they are ridiculously expensive and not very good for the environment? To actually use the elliptical machine that is taking up so much space in my living room? Or, better yet, does anyone have a miracle pill or cream that would solve all of my problems?

More firsts

2008-11-11T13:33:00.002-06:00

I-Man got his first tooth last night! I had been expecting it all weekend and had almost given up, thinking his fever and other symptoms might have been due to some virus rather than a new tooth. But last night I saw that little glimmer of white again, and I felt around in his little mouth, and his lower left incisor had broken the skin! I was so excited that I called everyone in the family and sent my friends (the ones I thought would care) text messages announcing our new arrival. I bounced him up and down chanting, "You have a tooth, you have a tooth!" and he just smiled and laughed, excited about whatever it was that was making me so happy.

I didn't expect to get so excited about a tooth, but I was. Over the weekend I went out with some folks for my friend's husband's birthday, and I spent so much time talking about Isaac and his latest developments and his fever and his sitting up and his falling over... It's hard for me to talk about much else sometimes. And it makes me grateful for my friends who are moms because I'm pretty sure half the people I used to know and be close to could care less about any of this stuff, and although they once thought of me as someone who has pretty cool and fun to hang out with, I'm now to them excruciatingly boring.

Oh well, I guess.

I have been forgetting one bit of very important Isaac news. He gives kisses. For almost a month now, he's been giving his mommy and grandparents great big kisses with his mouth WIDE open. The first time he did it, he kind of surprised me. I was holding him and doing something else and all of a sudden there was this little mouth on my cheek. I looked at him and he just gave me the sweetest, widest grin and then another kiss. Now, when I give him kisses, he'll open his mouth really big in an attempt to reciprocate. It's the absolute cutest thing and I must get a photo of it.

What a big boy

2008-11-10T13:08:00.003-06:00

I keep telling Isaac that growing up is just so hard to do and it's painful and, if he knows what's good for him, he'll stay a little baby forever.

Case in point: I think he's cutting his first tooth. Last Thursday he started to get kind of sick, runny nose, etc., which we figured was a cold he caught from my parents, both of whom were sick all last week. Then, on Friday, my mom said he had diarrhea and, when I went to pick him up, he had a high fever. I happened to glance in his mouth and I saw a glimmer of white on his bottom gums, what looked like his first tooth coming in! By Saturday his fever had broken and the entire weekend came and went with no sign of the new tooth, so who knows when it will make its fist appearance. All I know is that I-Man definitely does not like it when I try to look for teeth in his mouth.

Also last week, Isaac had his first encounter with a sippy cup. I had tried to introduce it to him the week before, and he would put the spout in his mouth but wouldn't suck or get any water out. Then, on Friday night, my mom tried to give it to him, and he yanked it out of her hands and drank from it all by himself. If the spout ever escaped his mouth, though, he had some difficulty trying to get it back in. He's got a drinking problem a la Ted Striker on Airplane.

Last week, I swear Isaac said "mama." He was babbling incessantly, saying "ba ba ba ba..." and then he stopped and said exactly what sounded like "ma ma." I got super excited and started saying "mama" to him over and over, and he'd said "bababababa mama." He said it about three times.

To me, that counts.

Isaac reads

2008-11-10T12:58:00.006-06:00

Isaac's first taste of victory

2008-11-05T18:26:00.004-06:00

To the future.

2008-11-05T18:04:00.002-06:00

Isaac and I went to our friend Natasha's house last night, along with two other girlfriends, Meghan and Wendy, to watch the presidential election results. We cooked a delicious meal that included garlic orange shrimp with brown rice and snow peas and fried, stuffed wontons. Meghan made a beautiful bi-partisan cake (we invited her, even though she was the only Republican among us. :) I have to say, she was a very good sport), and Natasha also made a delicious bread pudding.

We spent the first couple of hours of our evening in the kitchen and on baby duty (Natasha has a sweet 8-month-old named Sam), and when we finally settled down in front of the TV with our plates, I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing. Obama was ahead. Though I hoped for it, I was sure it could really happen. I think I sorely underestimated the American people in thinking that they'd never elect an African-American president. I thought there was still too much bigotry in the country. It turns out, the bigotry was staring me in the face as I looked in the mirror.

Even as Obama took hold of Ohio, an accomplishment that nearly assured his victory since no Republican has ever won the presidential race without winning Ohio, I was still too nervous to get excited. I didn't want to "jinx" him. I was almost uninterested, almost emotionless as I watched with bated breath, trying not to let my hopes get too high, thinking that surely the evening would take a turn for the worst. Any moment now...

Isaac and I went home a little after 9:30. He was tired, and I felt badly for keeping him up so late. At home, I didn't have time to turn on the TV. We went to Isaac's room, and he nursed for almost an hour before allowing me to lay him in his crib without fussing. While I was nursing him, I started to get text messages from friends asking, "Can you believe this?" (and one from my dad that said "The world has ended"). I knew he had been ahead last time I looked, but I still didn't want to believe that he was elected president. I was sure that, soon as I let out a sigh of relief or allowed my lips to part into a smile, something would happen to take the joy back out of me.

When I did finally turn on the TV, I couldn't believe it. 338. Obama had won 338 electoral votes. He is going to be the President of the United States. Even then, as I watch Obama give his acceptance speech, I couldn't believe it. I was in total and complete shock. A good shock, though. The shock of knowing our country will be in good hands for the next four years.

I feel strongly that Obama will have an effect in changing the country's current bad direction. I don't think he can clean up all eight years' worth of messes Bush has made, but I think he will have a definite positive impact on the quality of life in the country.

I was touched, watching Obama accept his election, at the number of African Americans who were also watching, noting the great transition the country has made. Fifty years ago, black people couldn't vote. Yesterday, a black man was elected to the country's highest office.

But still, more than he is an African American man, Obama is a man who will affect great change in the nation. Who wants to improve the country's economy, healthcare, to end the war in Iraq. I do feel that he will leave this country better than he found it. He'll need help, though, and I hope (and I think) he'll appoint people to his Cabinet who excel in the areas in which he lacks experience. Rather than surround himself with people who will pat him on the back and tell him nothing but "yes," I hope he'll build for himself a "team of rivals," as Lincoln did. Because no matter how much I respect and admire Obama, I know he can't do it alone.

I feel, like Tasha said, as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel very, very hopeful for our country's future. I'm very eager to see what the next four years have in store. (Egad! Four years! I can't imagine Isaac as a 4-year-old!)

Next post, photos from our fabulous watch party.

Changes...

2008-11-05T12:59:00.002-06:00

I changed my template again. I don't know why I can't be satisfied. Also changed the title. This one seems more appropriate now.

Incredible

2008-11-04T23:01:00.003-06:00

I cannot believe what is happening right now. I mean, I hoped for it and I prayed for it, but I'm not sure if I ever believed it would actually happen. It's so surreal. I feel like it's almost too good to be true, like something's going to happen to take it all away. I can't even be excited right now because I'm still in such shock. Even as the prediction's of Obama's win came pouring in, I refused to believe them. I didn't want to get my hopes up because I was afraid I'd jinx something. I think that's still sort of what I'm feeling right now.

There are such good things in store for this country. I can't wait to see troops coming home from Iraq, to see the threats to women's reproductive rights go by the wayside, to see improvements in the quality of life for all Americans.

This is really, really incredible.

Isaac's First Meal

2008-11-04T15:49:00.008-06:00

On Sun., Nov. 2, Isaac enjoyed (?) his first meal of solid food, which consisted of locally grown, organic, pureed sweet potatoes. He's been really interested in food for a few weeks now, and he's not easily satiated by nursing alone anymore. I've been nursing every couple of hours in the evening and sometimes still following up with a bottle of formula.

I felt like Isaac was really ready for food, but he may not be. As you can see below, he didn't have a very good reaction to the sweet potatoes, and the two times I've offered them since this meal, he's refused. I've given him a little taste of banana, which didn't warrant a much better reaction than the sweet potatoes did, and I think next week I'm going to give avocados a shot. If we need to wait a little longer, we will.

I'm trying to keep my expectations low and try not to rush anything, but, for some reason, I had it in my head that Isaac's first meal would be met with laughter, excitement and lots of "mmmm" noises. It was nothing like that. I think he was just really confused and put off by the texture (though I tried to make it as runny and smooth as possibly) and the taste (I added breastmilk as an attempt at familiarity, but I don't know if it helped).

I think most "first"moments will probably not go as I plan or expect, so I'll just try to enjoy them for what their worth. Although Isaac didn't necessarily like his sweet potatoes (at one point, he gagged. I think that's when we quit), it was fun for me to watch him experience his first taste of "real" food (I do not count the bread or Cool Whip my parents gave him). My only regret is that these photos turned out so blurry. It's hard to feed a baby and capture the perfect image at the same time!

Isaac's first meal. Mmm... tantalizing. I think he liked the idea of getting his hands in this more than he liked actually having it in his mouth.

First taste! (Isaac: "Mom! What the hell is this?")

He was much more interested in sucking on his bib than he was ingesting the orange goop I was giving him.

"Mom, no! Why are you punishing me? What did I do?"

"Are we done yet? No more orange goop?"

"Fine, mom. You take the picture and I'll feed myself."

"That's enough. This isn't fun anymore. Put the camera down."

Isaac's New Trick

2008-11-04T15:38:00.006-06:00

As of Oct. 25, Isaac is a sittin' dude. You have to help him get situated, and his bottom is a little round, so he wobbles and falls over, but he can sit up for quite a few minutes at a time.

He's very proud of his new skill.

Whoops! Falling over is just part of sitting up, we say.

Here he is practicing in his Bumbo.

I don't put him in this much anymore because he climbs out of it. You can see him now about to throw himself overboard. Yesterday, as I was getting ready, I put the Bumbo on my bed and put him in it and he catapulted himself out of it about three times, landing, of course, on his face. Luckily, no damage was done to the bed.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a wiener

2008-11-04T15:01:00.006-06:00

My little hot dog. John and I took Isaac to our friends Jeremy and Kristin's house. They live in a newer neighborhood in Jenks near a lot of other young couples with babies and young children. We took Isaac and their 8-month-old son Turner around the neighborhood and visited the other folks in the neighborhood that we know. We even collected a little candy. :)
Later, we went back to the Roops' house, ate pizza and let the boys play.

Isaac eventually ate through the wrapper, and when I took it away from him, he wasn't too happy.

Isaac's friend Turner, who was a giraffe and loved to give kisses.

As you can see, Isaac got a little tired of Turner's kisses. Turner would grab him by the shirt and I think it kind of scared Isaac. Of course, all I did was laugh and take pictures, so I'm sure he felt completely abandoned, like I was just going to let this little baby attack him and not do anything about it.

BooHaHa

2008-11-04T14:54:00.005-06:00

Before BooHaHa. I asked him whether he'd like to be the Tootise Roll or the hot dog, and I let him decide. He leaned toward the Tootsie Roll. :)

John thought he looked like a nun. I guess he kind of did.

BooHaHa was actually pretty uneventful. We fought the crowds to get to the costume contest and then ended up not even entering. We were number 58 in the zero to 2 age range, and some of the older kids (the ones who could walk) were wearing some pretty elaborate costumes. We figured that, even if we did wait in line, Isaac probably wouldn't win. And he was sleeping anyway. He slept through almost the entire day. We made it back down to Brookside Body Piercing where I visited my friends Megan and Lauren, and then we went home. I think next year we'll just go watch the parade, and maybe in a few more years, when Isaac is older and can actually get something out of it, we'll do the trick-or-treating.

The Lack of Visual Effects

2008-11-03T23:19:00.001-06:00

Is a result of the fact that I cannot find the USB port that plugs my camera into my computer. I have no idea what I've done with it, and I'm desperate to post photos of Isaac sitting up, his first Halloween and his first solid foods. I'm hoping to pick up a card reader tomorrow, and pics will follow soon.

Donkey Hunt

2008-11-03T23:14:00.002-06:00

My mother collects elephants. I'm sure her collection is not politically motivated (though she is on their side), but I realized the other day that her love of elephants means Isaac has three or four stuffed elephants already. This doesn't bother me (they're just toys), but I thought it would be fun to start him a little donkey collection (yes, this one is politically motivated--but in a fun way!).

I know that donkeys, as animals, are far less popular than the exotic elephant, so I just want everyone to be on the lookout for stuffed donkeys. If you see one, nab it! We want to give it a good home.

Motherhood is...

2008-11-01T15:40:00.002-05:00

Opening my phone to make a call and getting an earful of Isaac's drool.

Walking around Utica Square for more than an hour in an unsuccessful attempt to get him to take a nap and then watching him fall asleep on the way up the stairs back to our apartment.

Not eating lunch (or breakfast, for that matter) because Baby Man has other plans for me.

Finally having a moment to myself only to spend it watching him sleep.

Loving every minute of it.

A Lesson in Workplace Etiquette: No Crying in the Bathroom

2008-10-28T09:48:00.004-05:00

In my second week at TBJ, I found myself weeping in the bathroom. I read while I pump, allowing me to finish countless novels and books I'd otherwise not have time to read, and on this particular day I had just opened Listening is an Act of Love, which consists of portions of the transcripts taken from StoryCorps interviews.

StoryCorps is a project started by an award-winning NPR producer in 2003 to allow family and friends to interview one another and professionally record their conversations. One copy of the recording is given to the interviewers and another is placed in the Library of Congress in an attempt to record history from the perspective of the Everyman, rather than that of political figures or celebrities.

The stories in the book are remarkably stirring, emotional and uplifting. I think I was halfway into the second interview when I started boohoo-ing. All I could think was how silly I would look to someone who happened to stumble upon me. I dried my eyes, finished performing the miracle of milk production and emerged from the restroom with a desire to conduct my own StoryCorps interview. The Airstream trailer in which the interviews take place is sitting on the Williams Green at 3rd and Boston right now and will be through November. I counted in my mind the family members whom I could interview and wondered which I should choose. My mother? My father? Grandmother? Aunt? They all have stories to tell. Which one do I want to hear most?

It hit me, as I finished the book last week, whom I wanted to interview. I want to talk to John about the day Isaac was born. I thought it would be a wonderful gift to Isaac when he is older: a recording of his mother and father sharing their experiences of his birth. From me, he'll have journals of his time in the womb, his birth story and a written recording of nearly every major (and minor) event of his life. His father is much less likely to record his thoughts and feelings. I don't even really know what was going through John's head the day our son was born. I thought, I'd love to spend some time with him aligning our stories, comparing notes. I'd love to hear his perspective of that day. (In fact, I'd love to hear Tasha's as well. The only perspective I have of that day is my own, and so much of it is blurred by the incredible amount of pain I was in.) I knew it wasn't something he'd just talk about outright. But part of the magic of StoryCorps, so say the participants, is that something about that tiny Airstream trailer and the presence of the facilitator make you want to share information you've never before spoken about. I asked John if he'd be willing to participate--for our son's sake--and although he first questioned the project's purpose ("Why do we need to do that?" he asked), he eventually, albeit reluctantly, agreed. Unfortunately, when I called to reserve our spot, they were all full. I asked to be put on the waiting list, assuming I'd never see the inside of that trailer and John was off the hook for good. But today someone called and said that quite a few spots had opened up and would I like one?

So, providing John is still willing, we have an appointment Nov. 23 to interview one another about Isaac's birthday. I hope one day Isaac (and John) will appreciate the interview, knowing the story of his birth is tucked away in the Library of Congress, a recorded piece of American history.

Five Adjectives

2008-10-28T09:28:00.002-05:00

Pioneer Woman's post yesterday (http://thepioneerwoman.com/2008/10/five_adjectives.html) offered a challenge to readers: what five adjectives describe you? Who are you? Based on a game borrowed from the movie Heartburn, the Pioneer Woman asks which five words--adjectives or nouns--best describe you?

Here are my five:
Mother
Writer
Exhausted
Amiable
Driven

What are yours?

Isaac's Half Birthday

2008-10-24T14:18:00.000-05:00

Isaac is six months old today. Gosh, it’s so hard to believe.

I was thinking this morning about how far we’ve come. The first few nights at home with him were terrifying in ways that I never expected. Motherhood seemed so easy in the hospital! I loved having these amazing nurses taking care of us night and day. Once we got home, I realized I had to be the one taking care of us, and it was so much harder than I expected it to be. Not only was I terrified of the responsibilities motherhood was suddenly thrusting upon me, but all of a sudden, also racing through my mind were thoughts of every horrible thing that could possibly happen to us. I imagined someone breaking into our house at night or snatching Isaac from his stroller while we went for an afternoon walk through the neighborhood.

I remember this overwhelming feeling of aloneness washing over me at night. John went back to work just days after we brought Isaac home, so he refused to help soothe our crying newborn in the late night and early morning hours. So in addition to all of these newly emerging fears were feelings of exhaustion, incompetence and uncertainty. So many nights I think I spent as many hours crying as Isaac did.

I think of how difficult breastfeeding was in the beginning and how many times I almost gave up. I think it was partly guilt and partly sheer bull-headedness that kept me from abandoning the idea altogether. Actually, it was probably neither of those things. It was the lactation staff at St. John. They were so amazing and the only reason we’re still nursing today.

These memories come flooding back to me so easily. I can’t decide if I feel like they happened just yesterday or years ago. I was so grateful when finally I started to feel like I really knew and understood Isaac. I think it took about a month before I felt like he wasn’t some stranger; he was my son. And while, even during the worst nights, I knew I couldn’t imagine my life without him, it wasn’t until we got through the first three or four weeks that I finally felt like I knew how to mother him. His wails weren’t just undecipherable sirens of expression; they were a language, one I could actually understand! I felt such a sense of accomplishment the first time I was able to read his emotion and soothe his crying on the first attempt. I learned how to listen to and communicate with my son. What a novelty!

Now, everything seems to come so naturally. Breastfeeding, dealing with the fussiness (and now, new development, temper tantrums!), getting to bed and up throughout the night is all second nature. It’s not any less is exhausting, but I can take it all in stride now. Yes, I break down now and then, but I have such support from my family and friends that I don’t feel nearly as alone now as I did in the first couple of months of Isaac’s life.

I think probably the most important lesson I’ve learned is to just enjoy every moment I have with Little Man. To just soak it all in. I love Isaac as an infant, but I know that, soon, he’ll be Isaac the Toddler. And I’m not ready for that. Not yet. I’m sure, when the time comes, I will be, but, for now, I want him to stay this tiny little baby who fits perfectly in my arms, who rests his head on my shoulder and clings to my neck.

He is such an amazing little person, so expressive and with so much personality. He laughs so easily; just a couple of light taps on his nose accompanied with “beep, beep!” is enough to send him into a fit of giggles. He’s not at the stage where everything he sees is his and he attempts to grab anything within arm’s reach. And put it straight in his mouth, of course.

I know the hard parts are far from over, but I feel so much more equipped to handle them. I-Man has taught me so much, and I’m very grateful to be his momma.

Wish me luck...

2008-10-11T19:22:00.002-05:00

Tonight is the first night Isaac and I will be alone in our new apartment. Though I moved everything in last week, we'd still been staying with my parents while I waited for the paint and polyurethane fumes to fade. While I'm still not totally unpacked, I've unpacked enough to make the place livable. I still haven't turned my gas on, bought silverware or gone grocery shopping, so, until I do all those things, I'll still be mooching my meals off my parents. That's okay, though; it gives me a reason to come back.

For the past few days I've felt like I can't wait to get us into our new apartment. I love my parents and I'm so grateful for all the support and assistance they've given me the past few weeks (not to mention the past 25 years), but last week I'd started feeling like it was definitely time for me to be back on my own again. But now that it really is time, I'm almost terrified. I guess it's starting to sink in that I really am on my own. I'm about to find out what it's like to be a single mom. And I'm scared. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but right now, I'm scared.

Can't believe I missed it (wait, yes I can)

2008-10-03T22:34:00.002-05:00

My mom told me that Isaac crawled today. She said she put him on the floor on his back on a blanket, and he rolled over, got up on his hands and knees and, very slowly and with extraordinary effort, pulled himself forward. She said he'd use his arms to pull himself forward while on his hands and knees, then he'd collapse and drag his legs forward. He only made it a few inches before he pooped out, but she was very proud of him nonetheless. We tried to get him to do it again when I got home from work, but, of course, he wouldn't.

Other things he is doing now:
Sticking his tongue out ALL the time. See photo.
Rolling over both ways.
Putting his feet in his mouth.
Pulling his socks off.
Sitting up by supporting his weight with his arms. He can't do this for a very long period of time, but he can do it.
Making himself laugh.
Improving hand eye coordination. He's getting really good at getting toys to his mouth without first smacking himself in the head a few times. If you hold something out to him, he'll reach out and grab it. He especially loves this little wooden beaded teether I just got from Lundeby's.
Pulling at my shirt when he wants to nurse; grabbing the bottle when someone else is feeding him.
Still not sleeping.

Impromptu photo shoot with Amy Frost

2008-10-03T22:32:00.002-05:00

Isaac's first visit to the Tulsa State Fair

2008-10-03T22:25:00.002-05:00

Here, Isaac is contemplating his excitement about visiting the Tulsa State Fair. We went Thursday night, and, while he was a little fussy before we left the house and on the way, as soon as we got to the Fairgrounds and got him in the stroller, he conked out for almost two hours. We met up with friends Lauren and Megan and they were shocked that, with all the lights and noise and kids screaming and carnies heckling, Isaac could sleep through it all. It figures.

Documented proof of his presence at the fair.

He found it enthralling, obviously.

Our last photo with a fair backdrop. We came in and left through the livestock barn, but the camera's batteries died before I could take a picture of him next to the bovine exhibit.

We (I) had a really good time at the fair. We went with my parents and brother and met my friends Megan and Lauren for a bit. And even though I wasn't pregnant this time, I still ate everything I could get my hands on. And it was worth every calorie.

Happy New Year!

2008-09-30T15:50:00.002-05:00

One of our writers reminded me that yesterday was Rosh Hashanah, and, although I'm not Jewish and know very little of the religion or culture, I feel like I am in desperate need of a new year and have decided to participate in the holiday. It began at sundown yesterday as I was, fittingly, painting my new apartment. The fresh paint covering the drab, well-worn walls of an apartment that is turning out to be more than I bargained for (lots of problems I hadn't seen until now: a missing lever on the toilet, broken hot water handle in the kitchen, fridge covered in black mold) was somewhat reassuring. I'm definitely ready for a fresh start.

Today was my going-away lunch at UTW, and it was nice to know my time here has been appreciated and I will actually be missed. Even K went out of his way to tell me, first privately and then publicly, that both he and the paper are indebted to me in numerous ways for my passion and service over the past two and a half years. His gratitude is much appreciated, and while part of me wished he'd been more vocal about it earlier, another part is glad he waited for my departure to tell me what I mean to him. I think, had I heard it sooner, I would have stayed and not taken this new opportunity. And now, it's more about that than anything else. Before, it was about anger and about my need to feel like my work matters. Now that I know it does, I think it's more about needing to expand my horizons. K offered an open invitation back to the paper, should my future endeavors not work out, and I don't think that option is totally out of the question. The thought has crossed my mind that maybe, just maybe, spending the next few years working at different publications could be a learning experience that I can bring back here in the future. I do care deeply and am very passionate about UTW and its place in Tulsa's media market. I love the business of alt weeklies and would like to find my way back to one of them some day.

I still think, though, that moving on is the right decision right now. I think Katie still has the spark that has sort of fizzled out in me. I think she'll lead the paper in a good direction for as long as she's here, and I think it'll be better for her contribution. And really, it deserves that. It deserves someone who's ferociously driven to make it a better paper. My excitement over the last year has waned to indifference, and UTW deserves better than that. Like I said, maybe in a few years, it'll all work out again. Maybe I'll realize that I care more about this brand of media than any other and that this is really where I belong. Until then, a toast to fresh beginnings.

I think the same is true in regards to the termination of my relationship with John, although I don't ever see us getting back together. (I just realized that John and I started dating only a couple of weeks before my first day at UTW. The irony is astounding, yes?) I don't miss the John I just broke up with; I miss the John I knew two and a half years ago. I miss the John who fell madly in love with me for reasons still unbeknownst to me and ones that not even he could explain (or, at least, never bothered to vocalize). I miss the John who went out of his way to make me happy, even if it meant sacrificing his own wants. I miss the John who planned romantic outings and sent flowers (once), not because they were things he did but because he thought to do them. When we moved in together, everything changed. He didn't go out of his way to do things, we started arguing a lot and I started wondering how quickly one person could fall out of love with another.

I know John cares deeply about his friends; he's always the one they call when they need something, and he never hesitates to drop what he's doing and answer their calls. I've often felt he cares more about his friends than he does me, and their high opinions of him probably make it difficult for them to understand why I felt the need to end the relationship. I just want to feel the way I did when he first met, like I meant the world to him. I think I deserve that much. I deserve to mean that much to someone.

For now, I just want to move into my new apartment with my new paint and new furniture with my new baby and enjoy my family, my work, my life. I'm still a little scared shitless at the thought of doing it on my own, but I have faith that everything is meant to be exactly the way it is now. If it weren't, I don't think God would have provided me so many open doors to new opportunities.

I do know, however, that we need to get out of my parents' house fast. While I love them more than anything (except Isaac), I am so tired of hearing Fox News droning in the background morning and night. My dad actually said yesterday morning, while watching Good Morning America, "Why can't they just report the news instead of giving their opinions on everything?" and then changed the channel to Fox News. I laughed out loud. But I'm worried they are going to brainwash Isaac. My grandmother held him the other day while I ate dinner and mocked me, saying she was going to turn Isaac into a Republican by exposing him to Fox News. Then she did. Expose him to Fox, anyway. Hopefully I can undo any damage she's done. He is still young, after all.

Really?

2008-09-25T07:58:00.001-05:00

Slammed my finger in the car door this a.m. I quit.

If I were the writing kind...

2008-09-24T22:26:00.002-05:00

I've long wanted to write a book of some kind. I've never been too good at fiction, although, briefly, I kind of got into short stories while studying creative writing at TCC under Penny Colglazier. I always told her I couldn't write stories, but, somehow, for a semester, she drew it out of me and I came up with some pretty good stuff. Not good enough for a book, though. I'd thought of trying to publish some volume of poetry, but I haven't even been able to write that in a couple of years.

I'd always thought I'd like to do some sort of journalistic non-fiction piece, inspired by a book called Random Family by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc. She spent a period of her life living in the Bronx, reporting on the drugs, crime, poverty, love and trouble that bound the people living there, both to each other and to their neighborhood. And it all started when, working as a reporter, she was covering the trial of a crime committed there. It's a beautiful book, and, since I read it, I've been waiting for my big break, wanting to write with the depth and insight LeBlanc did.

I'd ruled out writing a memoir long ago. My life isn't that interesting (except for this week). And I know it's not about having exciting or unusual things happen to you, how some of the best stories are the most mundane, that it's all about being able to tell a good story. But it'd be like trying to sell subscriptions to my blog. My friends read it because they're nice and they love me and Isaac, but I doubt anyone else gives a hoot.

The one thing thing I've thought might be worth writing about it my relationship with my maternal grandmother. She died when I was 13, and, growing up, we were very, very close. I spent every Saturday night (and sometimes Friday) at her house, and she took me to church every Sunday. But there are things about her, about the things we did together, that were very strange. I just never realized how strange they were until I looked back on them as an adult. As a young girl, I'd sit down with her at the dining room table, we'd pore through her church hymnal, and she'd select the songs she wanted sung at her funeral. I was young enough to still believe she'd never die (even though she'd bought me a book about death, specifically, the death of a grandparent), but, for some reason, she entrusted me with her funeral plans. She'd also have me scour through her nick knacks and collectibles and mark anything I wanted after she died. I did this at least once a month, and, after a while, my initials were on little white stickers stuck to the bottom of everything on her china shelves.

When my friend Melanie would spend the night, we'd play communion, passing saltine crackers and a big cup of grape juice back and forth, taking nibbles and sips between reading scriptures and praying. I think we thought we were practicing.

I had the idea to compile these anecdotes into some sort of memoir, and I've had fun making notes, remembering these crazy moments. Each memory would lead to another, and I've been trying to get them all down on paper lest I forget again.

I've considered the possibility of helping my mom write her memoir. She's actually got some pretty amazing stories to tell: raising me alone, suffering a stroke induced by an aneurysm, recovering from the stroke when no one believed she would, asking my dad to marry her. She's pretty amazing. She's suffered some debilitating side effects from the stroke, which have prevented her from doing much writing (she used to write all the time), but she talks from time to time about writing her memoir, even if it's just for her kids and grand kids.

And hey, if hers becomes a best seller, maybe I can start commissioning memoirs! Not a bad idea... Got a story to tell?

I know this is one of those times I'll look back on and laugh...

2008-09-24T16:09:00.006-05:00

My weekend culminated Tuesday morning when my grandmother backed into my car.

It started Thursday night with the dissolution of my two and a half-year relationship with John. It hasn't been working out for some time now, and I decided it was finally time to call it quits. I wanted so badly to be with him forever, to raise our child together, but, in the end, there was too much fighting and not enough selfless love to make the relationship work. I'm tired of bickering, tired of feeling like a single parent raising one sweet baby and one rebellious teenager. We agreed I would move out, and, in the meantime, I planned to stay in the house.

I spent half of Saturday looking for apartments and houses before meeting Natasha and family at Greek Fest for a gyro (the highlight of my day). I found an amazing duplex near Cherry Street, and worked the numbers over and over again in my head before admitting that there was no way I'd be able to afford the rent on my own. I prayed for something more affordable i the same area, but it seemed impossible, given the quality of the neighborhood.

Saturday night, Isaac got sick. I had been at Urban Brew, and, when I picked Isaac up from his Grandma Robinson's, she said he had been coughing and sneezing and congested all evening. By 1am, he was worse. He couldn't sleep because he couldn't breathe. I called John and asked him to bring us some saline spray and baby Benadryl. He couldn't because he was too drunk to drive and planned to stay at a friend's house. Furious, I took Isaac to my parents', and we've been there since.

After Isaac finally fell asleep at around 1:45, I got on Craig's List (where I'd found the amazing duplex) to see if any new amazing properties had been posted, and one had--an apartment a block away from and $200 less than the duplex I loved. I called the owner first thing Sunday morning, and her assistant agreed to show me the place. He warned me, though, that it was pretty messy. Whoever had been living there left in the middle of the night, and there was crap and dirt everywhere. I didn't care. I felt like this place was meant for me.

It's huge, nearly 1,000 square feet, with a big living room, big dining room, tiny kitchen, average bath and two decent-sized bedrooms. It's also got a couple extra closets for added storage. It's got wood floors and large windows that offer tons of natural light. It was dirty and the walls were covered with some pretty hideous shades of paint (the living room color resembles the greenish brown of baby poop, and the dining room is plaid and striped, circa 1970s), but, with a little cleaning and some fresh paint, it's just what I'm looking for.

I wanted to fill out an application, so I agreed to follow the guy to another property so he would be on time for his next appointment, and I was happy to see that the place was immaculate. It was reassuring to know that the property owner does take very good care of her apartments and that, after she was finished cleaning mine, it would be immaculate, too.

So I filled out the app, put down a deposit, and I sign the lease Friday. I'll be painting it myself, which is okay, because I'm excited about picking out the paint colors. I also have to buy new furniture since I gave nearly everything I owned to Youth Services of Tulsa when I moved back in with John, but I've been looking at Craig's List for that, too, and will be able to put together a ramshackle assortment of old, unique pieces for a couple hundred dollars. It's been fun planning the interior design of our new place, and I'm trying not to make it too girly so Isaac will have nothing to complain about, once he's old enough to complain.

Isaac stayed sick all day Sunday, and, by Monday, his cold had turned into croup. He woke us both up at about 4:30 Monday morning with an awful, barking cough and didn't go back to sleep until about 6am. I stayed home from work to take care of him, and he was (understandably) clingy and fussy all day. We went to the doctor that afternoon, and she confirmed my diagnosis and gave us an oral steroid, which helped as soon as we gave it to him. I spent a couple of hours that evening packing some of our stuff, and, at some point, my phone broke. It dialed and received calls, but the screen was completely black, so I couldn't retrieve any of my numbers or read the five or so text messages I got.

After another sleepless night, I grudgingly drug myself out of bed and into the shower to get ready for work. As I was heading out the door, my grandmother came in the house, nearly in tears, saying she backed into my car. She was so upset, but all I could see was a minor scratch on the front bumper, so I told her it was no big deal, not to worry about it, and set off to work. But my driver's side door wouldn't open. Apparently, when she backed into me, she pushed my fender back. So I spent all day climbing into and out of my car from the passenger side. At that point, all I could do was laugh.

So in two weeks, I've changed jobs, ended a relationship and will move into a new home. I'm pooped. It's a lot to take in all at once, but I feel like all of it, every bit (well, except Isaac getting sick), was meant to be and is for the best. I'm nervous about being a single mother, but I know I'm not alone. I have an amazing support group of family and friends who will make sure I have more than the help I need. And I know (hope) that John will play an active role in his son's life. I also think the breakup will probably help my relationship with John. I was back at the house last night packing, and we were able to get along fine, probably better than we have in the last couple of months. I do worry about the day Isaac comes home and says, "But dad lets me drink pop and play in the street..." or we face some other discrepancy in our parenting styles, but I figure I can't worry too much about that kind of stuff now. I have plenty to worry about now; I can worry about everything else when the time comes.

And being at my parents' house this week has been more of a blessing than the burden I thought it was going to be. At midnight last night, after trying (and failing) for hours to get Isaac to sleep, my parents took him into their room so I could get a couple hours of much-needed rest. I have so much support, and Isaac has so many amazing family members who love him and want to take care of him. I couldn't be more blessed or more grateful.

Monday night, after helping one of his employees move, my dad came into the living room with this tiny golf club, a putter no more than two feet tall, and said, "This is Isaac's." I think he had made it (he used to have a little shop in Sand Springs where he made golf clubs years and years ago before we moved to Houston) for my brother, but I have no idea where, after all this time, he found it. But he's keeping it in their bedroom until Isaac is old enough to go to the driving range with him. It's the club he'll use to teach Isaac to golf.

I know everything will work out.

But, rather than end on a high note, let's include today's happenings:
I dropped my phone for the last time. the flip top broke free from the phone and it's done. Completely. Then, as I was leaving for lunch, I heard something scraping the ground behind my car. It was my phone charger. It had fallen out of my backseat and I ran over it. The plastic pulled away from the wires and then the cord snapped in two.

At this point, I'm just being really, really careful. I feel like I've had all of the emotional and technological bad luck I can get, and the next thing to happen will be physical. I'm nervous I' going to trip on a crack in the sidewalk and break my leg or something.

Bombs Away

2008-09-18T16:49:00.003-05:00

Isaac jumped off my parents' dining room table yesterday. Literally.

My mom strapped him into his bouncy seat and put it on the table while she finished the morning's crossword puzzle. She said she looked down at the paper and looked up just in time to see the bouncy seat fall face first off the table. The mobile took the brunt of the fall, and Isaac was more shaken up than he was hurt. My parents called me about 20 minutes after it happened, and he had stopped crying and was playing and laughing like normal, but we took him to the doctor anyway, just to make sure there weren't any injuries we hadn't seen.

He was fine, but it was a pretty terrifying experience for a new mom. My mom was more upset than anyone, though. She cried nearly the whole day, worrying that I wouldn't want her to watch Isaac anymore. I was angry, but not that angry. I just asked her to promise never to put Isaac's bouncy seat on any elevated surface. And, to baby-proof the house before she puts him in the walker she's been dying to buy.